[NewBeginnings]

Thank you Fox ~ I filed for D in May.  It is the only way to protect my son and I.  My Atty ordered an Emergency Support hearing with the courts but it's not until August 3rd.   H is in contempt of court and he doesn't even care.  Just trying to starve us out.  I know his Atty is behind it.  I just can't believe things like this are allowed to go on.  It is so disturbing especially when kids are involved. 

I can only imagine how you feel about your H going away on vacation with OW and her family.  Our H's just have no clue as to the pain they cause us.  My H didn't call S on Easter of anything.  Later that week told him he would have come down if S wanted him to because he didn't do anything.  Got H's financials last week and he was away with OW at an oceanfront hotel, fine dining ect..  H does nothing but lie and it really disturbs me how he lies to his own son.   It is heartbreaking!

I hope you are ok while your H and OW are away.  I know I would be thinking about it every minute.  Ughhh, I just wish I could forget all this or turn it off like my H is.  Nothing bothers him about what he is doing to us.  I wonder how they do that?   Take care and Hugs to you too! 

[StandandDeliver]

HB - they lie and then they "let" you find out the truth. I actually think one of the more bizarre thing is this strange inability THEY have to let us go!

I mean, my H told me one week he could see S like usual 'cos he had early meetings that morning. 3 days later pictures of a long weekend on facebook made it to his profile. Why not just tell me the truth if he is going to announce it to the world anyway? If he had naturally just grown apart from me, none of this would be playing the way it is, I believe. It is funny though, because I figure he wouldn't need to do this manipulative behaviour if he had simply "moved on". It is a mixture of guilt, curiousity about whether we will react (I said NOTHING to him about it) and the MLCers inability to truly move on however desperate they think that they are to do so. No wonder OW is paranoid much of the time. She is living with a nutjob, through choice and ignorance!

[NewBeginnings]

loveisntweakness ~  The first 6 weeks H came down to see S but then with all his lies and H kept bad mouthing me to our S. (Obviously to cover his guilt)  He wanted our S to side with him.  Sick!!!!  Then we found out about OW and that was the end of our S having anything to do with him.  Our S says he never wants to see him again and that he has no father.     Honestly, I feel H is a bad influence on him anyway right now.  He abandoned us, cut us off from all money, lies and says bad things about me to  our S.   Disturbing.  I feel like my H has totally let go of us.  He wants nothing to do with either of us.  Do you all really think he will wake up one day and realize all the distruction and hurt he has caused us?  I don't even know right now how he can live with himself, how he can sleep or how he can be happy with OW.  I can't stand even thinking about it but it consumes me.  I can't sleep.  I am scared for me and our son.  I don't have an income.  I have my RE  license but it is really slow this time of year.  Nothing going on.

StandandDeliver-I really have no way of knowing what H and other W are doing.  I only know about his trip and all the money he has been spending because he had to  produce his financials for D.  Other wise I would have no clue about anything.  As a matter of fact, H made me a low ball settlement offer the week before and now I know why.  He didn't want us to see his bank statements that showed he has done nothing but spend money, borrowed money from our 401K, bought a Harley, trips and fine dining while me and his S live in poverty.   

[truth_seeker]

I am scared for me and our son.  I don't have an income.  I have my RE  license but it is really slow this time of year.  Nothing going on.

I really have no way of knowing what H and other W are doing.

I'm going to say something that was advice given to me by HeartsBlessing.  It resonates with me now more than it did the first time I was given the advice.  Maybe I had my blinders on but NOW I get it and I hope you will too.  I wasn't ready to "hear it" or even "get it" at the time.      If you don't today then maybe later on it will as it did me.  I believe HB's advice is as relevant today as it was then and addresses both comments above.

"Put FEAR behind YOU"

"Focusing on H won't do anything but bring YOU down; You must reach the point of being a DISINTERESTED observer; totally detached from what H is doing...only then, will he 'hopefully' come forward."

HB:  I'm paying it forward. 

Much love to you all

TS

[NewBeginnings]

truth__seeker - I totally agree.  But it is hard when I have to go over his financials ect..  I have to see him in court Aug 3rd.  When you are in the middle of a divorce, every other day there is some discussion with my Atty about him.  That makes it hard to detach and not think about him. Plus I have no money and he is the reason why.  He is breaking the law.  Until the Judge orders him to pay me temporary Alimony and Child Support, I can't help but think of anything else.  Then it's on to mediation.

[truth_seeker]

truth__seeker - I totally agree.  But it is hard when I have to go over his financials ect..  I have to see him in court Aug 3rd.  When you are in the middle of a divorce, every other day there is some discussion with my Atty about him.  That makes it hard to detach and not think about him. Plus I have no money and he is the reason why.  He is breaking the law.  Until the Judge orders him to pay me temporary Alimony and Child Support, I can't help but think of anything else.  Then it's on to mediation.

HB

Yes, I know it's hard. Believe me.  I too have a court trial coming up on Aug. 2nd so though it may "appear" as though I don't understand I do.  I'm sorry you're hurting, I'm sorry you're scared and worried about your financials, children, security, home and your R.  I'm sorry for all of it.  I'm sorry we all have to go through this but at the same time you would be surprised at the strength YOU have within yourself to carry on.  Look at Buggy!  I don't know if I would have been able to go through what she's been through and yet she has.  She focused on the strength within her and the love of her children to see her through so much and continues to do.  She's an inspiration to us all as are many others here.  The LBS themselves are a pillar of strength.  Think about it.  The mere fact we are standing should say a lot.  We're not the quitters. That would be so much easier for the short term but not in the long term.

Please understand I am in no way trying to lessening the hurt, pain, fear and stress you are going through.  I only mean to help you put the focus back on YOU and what you need to do to get to a better place in your life.  Start today focusing on what you want rather than continuing to put the focus on your H.  Yes, hold him accountable!  Hold him to his financial obligations and his responsibilities! I am not saying you allow him to simply walk away without meeting his obligations to his family.

What I am saying is the sooner you put the focus back on you the faster you will be able to regain your strength.  We know you are beat up mentally, physically exhausted and scared.  Feel all of it and then let it go as much as possible to begin to heal and grow. 

You have your RE license so instead of looking at the negative in that "nothing is selling" maybe get creative and think about ways you can leverage it to work in this economy.  For ex: Specializing in foreclosure listings or property management.  Get the idea?  Look at the blessing within it rather than the negative.  In time it will begin to turn for the better.  But until you start to look at the good in whatever life throws at you, You will continue to have much of the same.  Have faith and hold on to hope for you and your children. 

(((HUGS)))

TS

[Buggy31]

HB
Sorry I haven't caught up on your thread but can you get assistance in the meantime.  Did he leave the home?  A lot of assistance is based on household income and regardless of the bills he's paying you can still get help.  There are things out there to help you and your son but you have to be proactive.  I know you are hurting...believe me but...it's like a pit and you are looking up toward the light in the sky and you're thinking how the H*** did I fall down here and how can I get up there.  Step by step.  You would not believe the way things come together.  There are stronger forces at work here in each other our situations but God wants us to know our own strength to PULL ourselves up and things will come together in ways you can't explain and how you could of never imagined.  You must trust, have faith and do all you can for YOU.  YOU must protect and worry about son and you.  Feel your pain but don't get stuck here.  You are learning that everything you need and have is inside of you and when you actually experience that you learn a love that is everlasting.  God is for you and if God be for you then who can be against you.  I tell you because I have experienced it.  I had no income, haven't worked for 8 years full time and three kids.  It was bleak and I"m still working through but there are ways.  You are in the driver's seat.  Take back YOUR power and fly with it.
HUGS
BUGS

[NewBeginnings]

Thank you Buggy and Truth__Seeker~I just got home from my Therapy session and that helped.  I also talked to my Atty and she said I will be fine.  She said all H's that know they are going to have to  pay Alimony get really mean.  Buggy, yes he left or should I say he never came home one Friday night.  Called and said he was done and we didn't like the same TV shows or Radio stations.   Really?  I never saw it coming.  He worked away during the week and has an apt there.  He came home on Friday nights and left Sunday nights.  He has supported me for 24 years.  Right now he is in contempt of court for cutting off all money to me and his S.  He's trying to starve us out of the  Villa we lease so I get something cheap.     I have no money to move and he knows that.  Anyway, I know we will be fine.  I truly do.  I  pray every day that God helps me to get through this horrible time and that he gives me the strength to be strong for our S.  I really appreciate all the advice you all are giving me and I know you are 100% right.  Thank you again. 

[Foxberry]

My Dear Heartbroken,

God will get you through this, I truly believe as hard as it may seem to us all, He never throws more at us than we are capable of handling..... take comfort in your children and be strong.....let us show our H's and W's that we do not have what I call "doormat syndrome" and that we are so very much better than who they think we are now and what they have gone to in their OW.....

Lots of hugs and love
Fox xxx

[NewBeginnings]

Foxberry - Thank you so much for your kind words.  You are so right when you say we should show them how much better we are.  I was a great wife to my H and he left me for trailer trash.   He can have her.  Some day he will remember how I waited on him and how I always tried to do everything to make him happy.  We have NC and he is 3 hours away and S won't have anything to do with him so that is good.  It is easier for me to detach.  When he was coming down to see our S on Saturdays and calling here for S, I found it extremely difficult.   We haven't seen or talked to him now in at least 2 months.  It's good.  He needs to go live his life with OW and his new Harley.  Thats what he was missing.   Someday all the will wear off and it won't be so thrilling.