[Mac49]

My in-laws are nothing more than ignorant hateful hillbillies who give hillbillies a bad name. My X's greatest fear was turning into her mother. Enjoy your MLC hillbilly.

Sorry that response seems harsh even to me, really was bad weekend of attempted cake-eating and abuse

[since_youve_been_gone]

Hi TMHP

My inlaws are people who are really only interested in their own lives and didn't get involved with their kids (3 boys).  They did not bother with me and my husband very much but at the same time referred to us as a 'match made in heaven'.  I always felt I never properley connected with MIL for some reason and could never quite put my finger on why.  They aren't bad people and she was never horrible to me, just distant I suppose.

When my husband started to go 'funny', she took it as her cue to become involved.  (We were together from being 15).  She had retired from work by now and was as if now she had time on her hands, she could therefore involve herself.

On finding out about the ow, her words were to me;  'you had a good innings with him' (as if I ought to be grateful) and 'I'm not suprised he left you'.

For someone who had never taken any interest in our life, suddenly wanted to be involved in our split.  It would never occur to her that any depression could be present as depression could never happen to their family as they are too normal !!!

Think she may see this as an excuse to reclaim her son.  The ironic thing is that my h refers to them as the most selfish people he had ever met but you can bet this isn't his attitude.

It'll be 'always knew she was never right for you blah blah blah' !!!

No doubt my husband is agreeing and that he's had a horrible life etc.

Have to laugh as the situation is so ridiculous otherwise it would eat me away

Love SYBG X

[SpecialK]

No contact whatsoever since bd, infact his Mum didn't know he moved out.  She called here four weeks after he' moved out asking to speak to him.  I had to tell her he know longer lived here and moved to be near his son (and obviously to be with Scary Bird)

TBH they were not a big part of my life, I found his Mum a very strange women; emotionally cold, in my opinion she should never had been a mum, although she had five, her own needs were always put before her children.  I felt very uncomfortable in her company.

SKxx

[In this for ME]

My ExH mother is  unplugged emotionally- denial is her way of dealing with things.  Although I don't think she thinks her son is "perfect" she doesn't want to hear anything bad about him.

I had a lot emotionally invested in her. I thought maybe she could be the mother I never had- it didn't turn out that way. My mistake.

[WhatAboutUs]

So it's common that Inlaws act like this. I thought I was the only one dealing with their denial....

Only MIL contacts me once in a few months, and always calls on my and kids birthday. And at Xmas time.
Have not heard from oldest SIL's since BD. Never liked her anyway, so that's more a relieve than a miss. I used to be very close with youngest SIL though. SIL is a girlfriend/ex-collegue of my neighbour which is now one of my best girlfriends. How funny is that. The first year SIL didn't contact me and that hurt me very very much, but I tried to understand it. Didn't blame her.
Then at one point I missed her so much that I wrote her a letter and try to explain the whole situation that H. was going through. That I was standing and still loved him etc. Also that I missed her very much but that I understood she had to take a side and that I was not blaming her for it. Never had a response on that letter.
Last year I told my neighbourgirlfriend that I missed SIL so much. She passed that through to SIL. Then SIL asked her to have me call her cause she missed me too. Before I could even call I ran into SIL in a gardeningshop! We sat down and had a coffee and a bit of chitchat. Not one word about H. Afterwards she told neighbourgirlfriend that though she was happy to see me she felt very uncomfortable when we ran into eachother...
Never heard from her since. I also asked neighbourgirlfriend not to give SIL to much information about me and how much I'm still hurt that H. left us.

So that's my story. Hopefully when this journey is all over SIL and myself just continue our friendship where we left it.

[LoveMeMyself]

The only in-laws (ex) I have are his twin brother and his wife. My ex's father died many years before we met and his mom died just two years after we married. She has been dead 5 yrs now. There's another brother (older) and a sister (oldest). The twins (my ex) are estranged from the other two siblings. This was already an issue prior to our marriage and quickly dissipated upon their mom's death. As far as I know, my ex only communicates with his twin. They are the youngest and the other two live away. So, the ex brother/sister in laws shut me out completely. It was as if all of this was my fault. I don't know how many times I tried to communicate with them (in the early days). I finally gave up. I didn't do anything to them and none of this was my fault. My brother-in law is a well known public figure and my boss has had a few meetings with him. He was always professional around me but very cold. I saw him and his wife out together one day and I forced them to speak to me. I was very friendly and bubbly. I actually got a hug from both of them.  Oh, and this was after the sister-in law took it upon herself to destroy a picture of me and my ex together. I was so hurt and upset when I discovered it. They had used our vacation property and she removed the picture from the frame and tore it up. She had no right. She also took my shoes and shoved them way up under the bed. I told my ex about it and he seemed honestly angry about it. I later found out that he had words with her.

[JD]

My experience?
Dropped like a hot rock. 
No contact with Zombie's siblings.
 Christmas cards from MIL with money for the kids. One face to fact contact recently with MIL that was to say the least unexpected.

[devoted]

Nothing from MIL since H left no contact with eldest 3 and only seen youngest 2 about 3 times when H has made them go there.

All the kids has Christmas cards,youngest 2 had money in theirs.MIL did not send D23,S21or S6 a birthday card this month(husband would have been on the phone to her straight away if it had happened when he lived here).Quite frankly I think it's disgusting whilst I expect her to side with H the kids have done nothing as far as I'm concerned she does not have the right to call herself a grandma or mother to say she is emotionally cold is putting it mildly.
 
I guess she is showing her true colours FIL told me before he died that I had taken H away from her(they made his homelife so unbearable he left when he was 18).She hated the fact that H had a better relationship with my family,maybe that was bc they treated him like part of the family,funny that H would go back and live there for 10 months all of a sudden she is the most important person in his world.

[Battlefield]

My In-Laws have been wonderful, They are more like parents to me than my H. They r totally supportive of me My FIL wouldn't even talk to my H until recently when My H moved back home.
They told H they would under no circumstances at anytime ever have anything to do with OW ever and neither would any of the family. H said he knew and he was never planning on bringing her around ever. 

[Moving Forward]

This is a very relevant to my current situation. My exH hated his Dad with a passion and in 18 years we were together he hardly saw him unless I instigated it and his Dad and wife visited us twice in the 10 years we loved in London. In the year leading up to BD my exH would send his Dad the most vile and vitiolic letters spewing venom and hatred - his Dad was at a loss to understand what was happening.

At BD (October 2009) I resolved that I wasn't going to one of those bitter ex wives and took my kids to see their grandparents for tea every week - this included me obviously!! I continued going every week and celebrated the family birthdays, Christmas etc until April 2011.

In April 2011 the wedding invites went out for exH and his OW - the wedding party was going to be held in a marquee in the back garden on my In laws. I was completely devastated - such a huge sense of betrayal and I felt so very foolish. They weren't in touch for two weeks after my chidlren had been told of their parents divorce and their Dad's impending marriage. I heard nothing until I got a text saying my son looked lovely in his cricket whites. I broke all contact with his family at that point - it was not nice and was not pretty - FIL visited me at my office and shouted at me and I shouted back!! I told them they were broken, dysfuntional and toxic and couldn't have them in my life anymore as they hadn't treated me with kindness and respect.

I got a huge bouquet of flowers at Christmas - which I acknolwedged with a thank you card - I got a birthday card this year.

Fast forward to a month ago and my FIL ambushed me in my car one morning - he got very upset and broke down crying in the street saying he would have killed himself had he been through what I'd been through in the last 3 years, that his son (my exH) is a liar and he doesn't believe a word he says, that he doesn't like his new daughter in law, that my kids are a credit to me and he literally begged me to go to their house for a meal. I wished him well but said it wasn't appropriate.

The fallout from my exH's affair, the divorce and his remarriage has reverberated through his whole family and they are obviously still in pain and trying to come to terms with everything. ExH's Dad is not a coper by nature and he is clearly struggling. I have started to read Terence Real's book on depression and it is clear his Dad is a poster boy for this condition - he's got no coping strategy at all.

This interaction really stayed with me and I sought advice from the wise LBS posse and decided this was meant to happen for a reason and that I had to trust that the reason would become clear. So, I sent them a card (carefully chosen with a black and white still of Dorothy, Lion, Tin man and Scarecrow on the front) and invited the pair of them for tea and cake next weekend.

I am not sure what my future relationship with them looks like - I am no longer their daughter in law or friend - but I am happy to have a cup of tea and a slice of cake (to quote Wurzul Gummidge) and see what happens.