[justasking]

Hey guys, I'm so happy that this thread got this kind of response.

[ece711]

I envy those who are still married with their spouse... unfortunately there are some (like me) whose spouse were the ones that divorced us (quickly). My question basically is: Will Awakening still occur?  or can their pride get into the way?  Unfortunately I don't experience those "peeking", "touch and go's", I guess it's just due to us having no contact at all.  Unless I am so detached and no longer analyze too much (kinda made me a dense person I guess).

[justasking]

None of us are sure whether our H will 'awaken'. If he moves through the tunnel there will come a time when he will have to acknowledge what he has done.

The problem with H/W who live with the OW/OM or get divorced is that they can stall in the tunnel and it may take more time added as the affair can hold them back. Don't give up hope though. You can never be sure when your exH may raised his head even though you have no contact at present.

[Butterfly]

Is it possible , in some cases ,that divorce could speed up the process of awakening , as they may feel the exspouse is moving on? At least in cases where there continue to be touch and go's even after divorce is final.
I am curious if the ow loses appeal  sooner if you are divorced. Maybe not.

[HeartsBlessing]

Is it possible , in some cases ,that divorce could speed up the process of awakening , as they may feel the exspouse is moving on? At least in cases where there continue to be touch and go's even after divorce is final.
I am curious if the ow loses appeal  sooner if you are divorced. Maybe not.

As each person is different, each crisis is different, and so it is a literal crapshoot when it comes to MLC, as there are NO guarantees of anything in this life.

It's possible, anything's possible.

No one knows for sure WHAT will happen...there are chances that are taken...and human nature can be taken into consideration...but nothing definite.

I know one guy that left his wife and continued on with the OW...they've been married for nearly 10 years or so...but he's nowhere near to coming out of the tunnel at this point..and his ex-wife is now remarried..so that door would be closed EVEN if he decided to try coming back.

The thing is, he is STILL giving his ex-wife a hard time every chance he gets..so, that does tell me that he's NOT facing his issues.

He and his OW dress like teenagers, act like teenagers...and these people are in their mid to late 50's, so that also tells me that SHE is going though, also.

It surprises me at times, the lack of emotion I detect in his and her eyes, but this is also a part of MLC.

On the other hand, she will NOT put up with him griping and complaining..preferring him to take that somewhere else, and my husband is usually the one who listens to it...and sometimes will talk to me about it if it irritates him enough...since he  is not in the tunnel, and this guy IS... I see puzzlement on my husband's face at times...and there is a gulf between them, as they used to be good friends so long ago.

Be that as it may, he's STILL in there...and it is unknown how long he will be there.

Anyway.....

Understand that some things are unknown, and only time will tell the tale..or not, depending upon the person..as, again, each one is DIFFERENT in how they handle things.

Hopefully this might help you understand a little more.

[ece711]

HB

Thanks for sharing this story...  I guess every MLCer is indeed different.  Was there any attempt on the husband to reconnect with the wife within those years or was he a vanisher?  Were there kids involved?  If there were kids how are they taking this?  Sorry to ask many questions.

[hurt01]

Bumping up.

Have questions. I THOUGHT a couple weeks ago H might have been having an awaking, The small awaking at the end of replay. He showed the first signs of missing D and GD. Crying everytime he talked to D. Told D he missed her and GD and he had missed out on so much in the first year of GD life. He even lied to OW so he could sneek and see GD on her 1st B-day for a few minutes.

D said when he drove off he was crying. Haven,t heard from him since unless D contacts him.

I have read through this whole thread several times. Can anyone give me insight into the awaking at the end of replay. I,ve read that you will know for sure when OW/OM gets the boot. Is this awaking sudden or slow like everything else in MLC?

Do they just all of a sudden wake up and relise whats going on and say affair is over? Or is it something they contemplate on for awhile? I know OW is an addiction I just need this further explained for my little brain to comperhend.


And since my H is a complete vanisher I have no idea what to expect. Sorry so many questions. Just want to have a heads up.

[justasking]

Hurt

It is my understanding that the awakening process takes a long time but everyone is different.

What you are describing sounds like a touch and go when for a moment he has some clarity of what he is doing.

When awakening happens the replay behaviours are subsiding and you see your 'old' H at times. The old mannerisms and wearing the old clothes etc. During the awakening process they start to look towards home to see if the door is open. During a touch and go they cycle towards home and out again without any step towards a decision to make his way back.

xx

[hurt01]

JA,
I would not know about his old mannerisms as I do not see him or speak to him. We have been NC since Jan. I have never witnessed him cycleing  or anything else for that matter.

H is a vanisher. I know I have to just be still and wait and watch, But what S and D described to me is diffrent from anything he has done in the past.

I don,t know what changes he has made during replay to know what might change back. When I seen him at the fair he looked like the same old H. Same clothes and all.(well except for the matching shirts he and OW were wearing).

I know i am analyzing , just trying to have a little hope. It is so hard when you have not had ANY enteraction with your H for 10 months. And when we did talk in Jan. He was MONSTER .

I thought I felt something changing , But now I am not so sure.

[justasking]

Hurt

I don't know much about vanishers sorry. But you maybe hearing about small steps forward from your D although it is early days.

Don't discount a touch and go. They will eventually all lead to awakening and reconnection BUT I don't know about vanishers and how they proceed. Hopefully some of the wise guys will stop by and help out.

Thinking positive thoughts for you.

xx