[Disneyme]

I posted on my thread. Feeling down again.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3753.0

[riverbirch]

I have problems typing sometimes on here when I post replies. It goes slow and freezes sometimes.Does anyone else have this issue.

[OldPilot]

I have problems typing sometimes on here when I post replies. It goes slow and freezes sometimes.Does anyone else have this issue.

Sometimes, it is usually my internet connection or sometimes the sjte is slow.

[Sunny]

Hi, I have a question. My H's MLC has been from day one less on the scale than many on here. He has never monstered at me, he seems to hold me in very high esteem, yes there was an OW but they have split. He is reconnecting with family and friends now, most definitely. We talk. He listens to me. It's been just under 11 months. Now I know he was definitely in full crisis at the beginning, but I have always questioned if it was indeed MLC or a 'light' version. My question- is there a range of MLC from heavy to light? When we say mlc do we mean only the one 'type'? Or are there others?

And I am not trying to see him through the tunnel any sooner than he should be. It just seems strange to be seeing him reconnect with family who he ignored all this time, this early in the game. Its not like i want him back as I am not sure yet how I feel. Or am I delusional?

Thanks

[WorkingHard]

Now I know he was definitely in full crisis at the beginning, but I have always questioned if it was indeed MLC or a 'light' version. My question- is there a range of MLC from heavy to light? When we say mlc do we mean only the one 'type'? Or are there others?

Sunny,

I'm no expert, but I think that--as with any stage of life--MLC is slightly different in each person. As well, the stages described in association with MLC are not always perfectly sequential. It's a chaotic and confusing time, and an MLCer can go in and out of various stages at different times and in different orders. I read that in articles either on this site or in a book a friend gave me. The stress of all this is clouding my memory!

I also think there's a fine line between a midlife transition and a midlife crisis. Your H may have been in crisis, but may now be settling into a less dramatic (less damaging?) transition. I would tread very cautiously if I were you. Don't set any expectations. Continue remaining detached, if you can, and continue focusing on yourself.

[Disneyme]

Sunny

Sounds like transition to me. However, my H has been reconnecting with family. His brother returned after 10 years being disappeared. The man left with his 3rd wife and never let anyone know where he was. Then out of the blue leaves her and comes back. My h took it as a way out, to go live bachelor style. And leaves me the same week. he's such a follower.  Now both of them have OW and they have BBQ's at their homes and invite the parents. I think he is trying to prove his parent's lack of interest in us was due to me being the b****.  Won't last long. My kids heard grandma say "I am going home,  I have better things to do." So I guess OW isn't winning them over. No one ever will. The MLC comes from good old mom ( also crazy).  I would say read read read since you have chances to be with him. I don't have that anymore. and when we have to be with each other it is ugly.

[dbpb]

Is there any articles explaining difference between midlife crisis versus midlife transition?

[kikki]

Mid life transition is something that we all have to navigate - in the same way that we all have to navigate adolescence.  Some do this with more ease than others.

All things in life seem to be on a spectrum. What makes a transition a crisis - seems to be the choice to have an affair and run from the marriage and previous life including children and responsibilities.

I don't think there is an article on this?

[Sunny]

Thank you for your thoughts Kikki, dbpb, Disneyme, and Workinghard. Definitely helped me to make sense of things. Just going back to business as usual- taking care of me and detaching and keeping all boundaries well secured!

[Disneyme]

Posted on my post a few things. Can someone take a look?
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3753.msg237645#msg237645