[kikki]

Narcissism as the last stop on the train line to the autistic spectrum disorders.

Many spouses in my couples therapy practice express relief when they hear my speculation that narcissism may be a milder version of what with increased severity would become Aspergers--and with even more self-absorption and difficulty taking in others’ perspectives would be labeled autism.   

If narcissistic personality disorder tendencies stem from neuro-biological deficits and/or brain anomalies that cause difficulties with empathy, then it becomes easier to empathize with rather than become angry at an emotionally-deaf loved one.

That is a fascinating theory.
It will be interesting to see if this ever becomes proven with further research/scanning etc.
With scans showing differences in the brain of people with autism, aspergers, narcissistic personality disorder and other personality disorders etc - it makes sense that they will start linking the findings if there are links to be made. 

[LisaLives]

How can autism pass down from the mother when there are so many MORE male autistics than female?  Is it like baldness where you get the tendency from your mother, but the pattern from your father, or like hemophilia, that is y triggered? 

I agree kikki, it is so fascinating because the only thing I KNOW, very clearly is that something in my ex is broken.  I will likely never know if it was always broken, or if it broke at midlife, but people who love don't do what he did.  And he, like so many others kept up the facade of "good guy" for a long time, until midlife stress of kids and work and parents and illness and death.

Autistics frequently have shark eyes, too.  When they go to their safe place, whatever that is, where others are not invited, when they are stressed.  And his work is VERY attractive to a mild autistic personality--solitary and detailed.  Who knows, I just thought it was interesting, and maybe it makes me have more compassion for him...  Love and light, ll   

[honour]

the only thing I KNOW, very clearly is that something in my ex is broken.  I will likely never know if it was always broken, or if it broke at midlife, but people who love don't do what he did. And he, like so many others kept up the facade of "good guy" for a long time, until midlife stress of kids and work and parents and illness and death.

Knowing what I know now of my xW, I tend towards it being a "facade." Something was always broken.

[superdog]

Honour, totally agree, facade it was for my h too and always broken.

Sd
X

[Searching4Answers]

Bumping this thread.

I am starting to accept that I am dealing with a narcissist The more I step back the more clearly I see the signs that I overlooked in the earlier days of my realtionship. I understand that the crisis brings out narcissistic traits and if the MLCer has these traits prior to MLC they are even worse. I have been struggling with this for the last year - is H or isn't H? I think that I haven't been able to accept that he 'is' because of how it makes me feel about myself This is part of my growth - acceptance of things that I find difficult. I have a lot of work to do on myself before I am strong enough to make the necessary decisions.

[31andcounting]

Searching4Answers, interesting you bumped this today:)

not my H, we are reconciling, BUT a very dear friend of mine, in fact one of my closes is filing for divorce.  She "kept me upright" during most of the dark tunnel days!! She and this site.  I have been so terribly torn because of course I am against divorce, per se (you know cause I stood). Everyone can work for their marriage right???
BUT I think her H is truly a narcissist, always has been and always will be.  After reading this I am a little more "settled" in her decision.   I now may be able to be the support she needs.  thank you
31andcounting

[Searching4Answers]

Funny how things show up when we need them

This thread came up for me last night when I was googling 'altruistic narcissism'. I think that if I had a good relationship before all of this craziness I would be able to stand longer but when I look back I see clearly that we did not have a good relationship - it is not a relationship that I would want again I think that I held on to the relationship because there is something in me that couldn't let it go - I now have to figure that out. I will continue to stand for ME and who knows maybe H will change (not holding my breath). I know that we all look for stories of successful reconciliation but I am now looking stories of successful growing. Finding out who we are is the real success story!

[a]

Hi

The narcissistic family was definitely and interesting read.  Not sure if i can say with any certainty if this is XH's family but here is what i did observe.

1. H parents very conscious of image and did not like the idea of getting old - H also image conscious - when our business was failing he didn't want anyone to know and we continued to project this image of success.
2. Often felt that mother-in-laws life revolved around her H's every need
3. H parents one occasion would forget his birthday
4. H has two brothers - they were not close and didn't even wish each other on their birthdays
5. H was sent to boarding school when he was 13 years old but two brothers were kept at home and went to local school
6. H rarely spent school holidays at home - spent many of them at friends homes and yet H has no childhood friends
7. H's parents before we got married would ask H to invest in some part of their business they would pay him back
8.  H had burning desire to please his father and make him proud
9.  H felt his mother was manipulative and warned me about her
10.  I never felt close to his family - they were kind enough people but i was not close to them
11. H was expected to help out his two brothers when they got into an stupid financial get rich quick scheme
12. definite favorite in the family the middle child H was eldest


Does this point to narcissistic family.

[in it]

Taking a good look at the family helps. A psychiatrist I went to about 8 years ago due to a Chantix break pegged them right off the bat.
 
 Narcissists...

I've read so much about this I'm getting tired of it. The peek into what goes on in their heads is pretty scary.

They objectify people..we are only extensions of them..not a separate person. Their property and in their heads always will be.

So we keep jumping through hoops trying to be "perfect" and they continue to find things wrong with us.

I damn near lost my sanity dealing with him. Nothing is ever good enough and probably won't be.

I'd rather be me. Flawed and making mistakes - being HUMAN we tend to do that.

Emotional vampires is a really fitting description for them. I've read they can never change or heal because they don't believe anything is wrong with them.

They have no empathy or feelings for anyone but themselves. SELF-PITY plays a big part in how they reel you back in.

They have no idea what a compassionate, empathetic, nurturing, caring, encouraging, supportive, loving relationship is.

All the relationship is is one way street- we may be able to give that to them but they simply are not capable of returning it.

They feed off any emotion or acknowledgement positive or negative.

The only way to recover and get healthy is to go NC. Period.
And read about healing from this kind of abuse.

We deserve better than this kind of relationship.

[forthetrees]

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/280718.php

This is actually funny.