[bookwrmmom]

The fact is looking at the ages of most of the ladies that are here is this: we are in our sexual prime age wise and our many of our men are experiencing life altering changes that scare the crap out of them. I think back to when I was in my early 30's and he was worrying me to death b/c he wasn't getting it enough & think WOW what a difference a few years makes. I am not saying my H couldn't handle things, but the OW definitely isn't getting him in his prime 
I don't say that to be mean, I am just stating fact. I was quite happy when the OW's hubby told me that mine "couldn't get it up" the 1st time with her. I thought "really, b/c he has never had that problem with his wife"....guilty much. The next time my H wanted to tell me what a nice lady she was I said "nice? let me tell you what she told her husband about your performance". Of course he said "he will say anything to get her back", but the problem is he didn't deny it. I told him that HE knew whether it was true or not, and a nice woman doesn't tell someone something like that. A nice woman also doesn't go back and forth and have sex with her husband and someone else's. Now I just don't say a word about her, he will figure it out. He may already have (she supposedly is trying to get back with her H), but I will be the last person he admits that to.

[Searching4Answers]

I was just thinking about this again and it hit me...do you suppose they feel the need for all the sexual exploring because they're worried it may not work for much longer? Like they gotta try out all those fantasies before it's too late?

YES. This is exactly what H's dad has told me about what H is doing - H's dad did the same thing. H has even said that he doesn't want to look back and regret not doing some of the things that he wants. However, he is probably going to regret what he is doing more now than he would have regretted not trying his 'fantasy'

My H saw his dad do some of the things that H is doing - early in our relationship H had said that he didn't want to end up like his dad but that is the path that he is following. I really hope that he has a moment of clarity and can see the connection, it may wake him up.

[Hmmm]

My H's dad went through a seven year depression and breakdown early in our relationship.

We lived miles away but I remember him being threatened with sexual harassment and quitting a job before the tribunal.

SIL now says that he wasn't as innocent as we thought. Looks like OW going mad and getting revenge now.

After his depression recovered. StepMIL ran off to Oz with man from the web. Turns out she had sex toys etc. broke up his family and hers.

She was a bank manager from a catholic family.

Mental

[patience.of.a.saint]

It also hurt to much to watch him walk out after every "escapade" we had knowing he was going to Ow trying not yo get caught with me..the WIFE

I agree. I always felt that perhaps I was the "tune up" for the ow. Yuk! If he wants marital benefits, he needs to come back and be my H.

I guess that thought has crossed my mind so I've had to make rules...and if he pushes them too far, I add new rules. He doesn't just get to show up for a couple hours, have his merry way, and be out the door. He has to be here for a couple days and do the things we always liked to do together, like go antiquing or whatever, share meals or take me out. He has to put some effort into gaining my attention, not just think he can show up and I'll be waiting for him in something slinky.

I think it all depends on how it was between the two of you. My ex-husband also left due to MLC, but I never realized it at the time...there was NO WAY he would've got cake, even if he'd have come looking for it. He just wasn't that good. I feel sorry for his 20-something new wife.

[holdinon2hope]

My H is that good..D20 laughs that H has all these women after him for what he has in his pants..if the daughter is saying that then she also sees that H isn't very very what's the word..faithful, loyal, bla bla bla I guess.  Shows that D20 must not really tji.k highly of H besides us wanting him for his "manhood" which don't say much for H. 

At least I don't think so anyway.  I did let H cake eat for months..then stopped cause it hurt tomuch n iI was scared of getting something. I have since been tested even after H came home then left I got tested..scared me. 

DA, so your ex is remarried..is he still in Mlc?

[patience.of.a.saint]

I think my exH is possibly still in MLC, but he's aware that he had one so maybe he's done. He still dresses like he's 25, but that may be his wife's doing, as she's still in her 20's. He's 46. Here's a little timeline:

2004 his mom was in the hosp 6mo & then she died 9/04
Jan 2005 BD not in love anymore
Spring 2005 1st OW
Fall 2005 2nd OW who is now current wife -I filed for D
Nov 2006 D is final
May 2007 ex marries OW#2 who had not yet turned 21.
2009 he quits his corporate job and becomes a bar manager
2011 he has an affair with a bar customer...until her husband found out...not sure why he felt the need to call and tell me that little tale
2013 quits his bar job to go back to a corporate job & decides to go back to school to get a degree in entrepreneurship

He asked one day if I was still with the same guy and I made the mistake of mentioning that he's in MLC and my ex H says "oh, I had one of them once." He claimed it was over when D11 asked him why he always had different colored hair. He said he decided then that it was stupid & quit dying it. I still get a lot of passive agressive things from him and he was never that way when we were married so I can only assume he's still working things out OR his little wife tells him what to say. He never liked conflict before. I would say that he's an edgier person than before MLC, has a lot of contempt in his voice when he talks to me. I am fairly certain he has no love for me whatsoever anymore and I feel the same about him.

We talked about it once after that and he said I needed to speak up and tell my guy what I wanted  if I wanted to get him back...that I need to fight for him so he knows I still want him around. I asked if he would've came back if I had done that with him and he said he didn't know because I let him walk away and I never looked back. So...I guess you could say my allowing cake eating with this one is the only way I know that I can fight for him.

[holdinon2hope]

DA, "fighting for him" yep..I heard them words only my H said "I didn't fight hard enough for him" I said why fight for someone that don't wanna be here?  I mean why seriously?!?  I'm tired of fighting to keep my marriage from Women..he has had multipule affairs and I'm done trying to keep us together
 
I'm standing at the moment as I do love my H, however he needs to wake up n realize he has work to do in our marriage too cause I'm not doin it all myself. 

You definatly had a lot going on that's for sure.  H has only been with this 1 Ow since he left.  I will look you up cause we stole someones thread I do believe  . Sorry for the hijack!!   

[patience.of.a.saint]

I'm wondering if "fight for him" means something else to them? I would take it to mean "speak up" but I know other stuff with guys means something entirely different than you think. Like sitting on the couch, not saying anything or whistling when I walk by does not mean he's mad, it just means he's chillin' out watching tv & didn't know I walked by. I misinterpreted that several times.

[Darth Obo]

Been following this for a while and almost hesitant to even post in here; some of you ladies are a trip and I think made me blush once or twice....

Good news for us is that if women peak in the 40's and men in the 20's does that then mean that we can have 2x20+ year olds to make up for it. :-) ( as long as you don't want conversation with them of course)

Where the hell does this come from? We have had "guy" talks around here between several of my friends and all of us agree we are much more.....talented & potent.....now than in our 20's...or even 30's! I can't speak for all the guys here but i know me personally, the 20's me doesn't even compare to how I am now in this department so every time I see the "men peak in the 20's" statement I have to call BS!

I have gotten the loving look, too-even though he she is not in love with me and never was.  He usually runs for a while after that look.
I think some cake-eating is good for the reasons you all said.  And hey, I really, really like cake.

Same here on this side of the fence! Just gotta be careful how much cake you let them have!

Good to know yours isn't the only one entitled to BJs. Out of curiosity, what would his reaction be if you demanded he reciprocate?

If a man won't reciprocate in this area then he shouldn't be getting a BJ anyway! Damn ladies........make them take care of you first! 

I'm wondering if "fight for him" means something else to them? I would take it to mean "speak up" but I know other stuff with guys means something entirely different than you think. Like sitting on the couch, not saying anything or whistling when I walk by does not mean he's mad, it just means he's chillin' out watching tv & didn't know I walked by. I misinterpreted that several times.

Being a man, if I made that statement it would also mean "stand up to me"; "don't put up with my bull$h!te"! But that's just me and I am not in MLC (at least that I know of)!

OBO

[holdinon2hope]

OBO, love it..made you blush lol  . Its good to know some of them things especially the part "stand up to me" part.  Its hard to stand IP to someone when he is being an a$$ though n you can't even talk to him cause Ow has him on a leash. 

Crazy..just crazy. Thanks for the input n  views..I feel the same about the if he isn't returning the favor he isn't getting his either..lol.