Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Medusa on September 25, 2015, 05:12:02 AM
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We all know bizarre behavior comes with the territory of MLC, and we all know they feel entitled to whatever they feel entitled to. We know they say really weird stuff. But I don't recall there being a thread focusing on the strange things they take when they move out or for whatever reason stop by our homes.
So, let's have a little fun.
Here's what triggered this thread:
This morning I suddenly realized my mop bucket has vanished.
Yep. You read that right.
He was here less than 2 weeks ago, and it keep the bucket near where his stuff piled. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that it "somehow" wound up in his truck.
When he first moved out, he took the large bottle of ibuprofen. I was mad when I discovers it gone. Now I figure he probably needed to to deal with OW. M ;D ;D ;D
About a year ago, he had come by for something and took a bottle of lighter fluid. Really? You didn't even buy that you cheap jerk!
And now the mop bucket.
Next?
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My husband left without taking one thing....not one.
I swear if I didn't pack his bags, he would have just bought new clothes.
He left tools, music equipment, all the furniture (some stuff was his grandfathers, I still have it).
He left a bicycle that I gave to a friend, the friend looked it up. It was worth between 3-4 thousand dollars. Husband never asked for it.
His golf clubs are still here, I told him to get them whenever he wants, they are in the outside shed. He could pick them up when I'm not around. They are still there. Again, his grandfathers putter is in there, that's the only reason I didn't throw it out.
Everything else I either use (like his tools) or I got rid of it.
Some just want to run w/o taking anything.
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Mine took the furniture that we left behind and put it in storage. We didn't want it, but his reasoning? That the girls would want it someday.
Of course he took:
-HS yearsbooks, but left his diploma and degree.
-His hiking backpack, and then claimed that it was stolen.
-His Embassy flag.
-Left his father's hat that he gave him before he died.
Other than that, he left a bunch of stuff that got stolen when the house got foreclosed on and broken into. Our house also got trashed in that time. So, they really do need their heads examined.
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Genius came for a visit once. He wanted to see the dogs he said. Through the window I saw him pilfering the pantry. In his bag he hid 5 new tubes of toothpaste. I walked inside and asked him what he was doing. He screamed, "they're mine and I'll take them if I want." Ummm no you won't. This isn't Wal-Mart. I put them back on the shelf after explaining to him that the five tubes he purchased several years before we're long gone.
We spent a few thousand a piece in court litigating the great toothpaste theft a few months later.
But he left thousands in books, furniture, clothes, artwork and of course to this day we still have joint financial accounts worth over $100,000 that he has never taken my name off.
He is surely a genius!
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Mine left a huge bag (I'm talking thousands of pills) of un-prescribed Viagra.
That must have put a damper on things for a while.
I gave them out like they were Tic-tacs at work. ;D
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Speechless....
You gave them out at work? !
Speechless again...
Mine never would admit he needed them. Once to hurt me he told me he didn't need them with OW. I laughed and said, give it time. According to all rumors Willy is currently on strike.
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On the day that I finally told my husband to leave ...he left in about 8 minutes flat . HE TOOK NOTHING . He did not even take his medication for diabetes or blood pressure .. NOTHING . He just got in his truck and went to a motel . The next morning he called me . I did not answer . He text me .. " hi! Want me to bring you a coffee ?" ( WTF?) NO . I know that for the 1st few weeks he came in and out .. took work related items off his desk , got his mail. NEVER did he take clothes, tools , golf clubs .. NOTHING . I changed the locks . That was that .. he never said a word .
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Speechless....
You gave them out at work? !
It's a fun job. ;D ;D
Mine left his BP meds too. He had my daughter meet him up the street for the handoff.
Once he left he couldn't even drive down the street.
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Mine wanted his old leaky tent. We have a nice new one that he never mentioned. He's building a camper because he said he never wanted to sleep in a tent again, so he really doesn't need a tent at all.
He took all his clothes, but BROUGHT BACK the favorite sports team shirts. Those are still in my closet.
He left behind all his boxed up memories from his son's childhood.
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Mine took very little when he left. Most of his clothes are still here but he did take the toilet brush from the downstairs bathroom (strange). Whenever he comes to visit now though he takes oranges - I guess there is no fruit in his apartment?
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Speechless....
You gave them out at work? !
Speechless again...
Mine never would admit he needed them. Once to hurt me he told me he didn't need them with OW. I laughed and said, give it time. According to all rumors Willy is currently on strike.
:o :o :o :o ;D ;D loooooooooooolllllll! I am bursting here... Oh gosh...
As for mine:
The opposite :o he wanted to have everything , had to pretty much put my foot down and tell him I needed stuff too (and the kids)... He threw a bunch of fits about it too.. His clothes are all gone into the new apartment. The only thing that is left is really his army stuff in the garage. That will go into storage once I move.
I guess he is the exception ? Paintings, diplomas etc all gone. We really live separate lives.
Wondering about that now reading about the other cases here..
He comes by and every once in a while goes through boxes in the garage to see if there is more stuff he can use.. Like decoration!
He took a lot out when we moved into his stack and whenever he wasn't around I took things quietly back cause those were my things (like my collection of magnets. He wanted to take some and I took them back)..
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Nah, you're too much. I couldn't stop laughing. ;D
Army, they all go to extremes, they either take nothing/very little, to wanting the kitchen sink. They're running on emotions. I think that the OP is usually behind the wanting of all the stuff. After all, they have to stake a claim don't they? Now how pathetic is that?
Mine took so little that I was shocked that he didn't want more. He left all his tools, all his old uniforms ( expect for one set of dress blues ), all his old clothes, all his important papers except his birth certificate/social security card, none of his artwork, or Ball memorabilia. How's that for not thinking anything through.
He did take a lot of pictures. Oddly enough, he left most of my In laws pictures. He even took a wedding picture of us; in fact, he took all, but the ones ( wedding pictures ) in the album. Crazy. ???
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HILARIOUS NAH!!!
Mine was like Army's and he took almost "all" of "his" things. Furniture, clothes, stuff from out of the closets and the garage. His beloved Planet of the Apes movies (lol). He took all the Christmas ornaments that were his from the past. He had to go through boxes of things to pick through the items that he considered were his. I can tell he did a pretty thorough job of going through everything.
He did leave behind some few oddities, though. He left behind his ceramic soap dish and toothbrush/razor holder thingy. He also left his electric toothbrush behind, but he took some new manual ones we had in a stash. He left his pillows behind. He left a couple of wicker benches and 2 wood tables his uncle had made. I feel like he purposefully left some things behind and accidently left other things.
He didn't take anything I had given him for any of his birthday's or anniversaries. I usually had things custom made for him. He did take a leather-bound journal that I had made that had our wedding scriptures inscripted on the inside. That may have been by accident since I think he had it in his desk.
There's a part of me that hopes he grabbed some things that will bring back memories of us from time to time. But, who knows....
Calling...
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I was the one who moved out so my situation is a bit different. I suspect had he moved out he would have just taken the dogs, his back packing stuff and his exercise equipment. He told me to take what ever I wanted.
I had a lot of time to sift through out things. I tried to be as fair as I could be because I didn't want to leave him with nothing.
If I took a picture of mine off the wall I'd replace it with a picture of his.
We had one set of dinnerware and the china from my mom. I took the china and bought myself a new set of dishes.
I took the bed and the kitchen table but helped him replace them with garage sale items. (the rest of the furniture I left him and bought new).
I divided up all the tents and camping equipment.
Left him the TV, bought myself a new one.
Took the laptop, he bought a new one.
I left the dogs with an open invitation to see them any time a wanted to.
I think it was a good break. No anger. I could have been really selfish and took everything but I had to live with myself.
It gave me comfort knowing he was not sitting in a completely bare house.
Of course I'm was the LBS, not the MLCer. ::)
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I hear you Thunder. I took everything of value out of the house, because I was afraid that he wouldn't get it before the foreclosure, and the padlock was placed on the door. And that someone would break in and steal it. I guess I was right to do so. Irresponsible as ever, the house got broken into while he was procrastinating.
Oh course he waited until the last minute, so who didn't expect a break in? Not to mention the bank came in and dumped everything on the second floor of the house from the attic. Everything else was dumped into the living room. They've gotten rid of most of the stuff that got left behind. He really thought that I was going to have his back, after he threw me and our kids under the bus. Unbelievable. I tell you, no one believes me when I tell them this s*it. You really can't make this up.
Apparently some things that he really wanted were stolen. He didn't make it back in time to take them. :'( Guess why? He thought that I was going to put them in storage, so that he could pick up his stuff when he felt like it, and pay for it for him. With no financial assistance, and no real job to speak of to pay for it. LOL
Lesson learned. I'm not your wife anymore pal, your choice, not mine. ::)
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My3,
It's amazing how they live in this blur and cant seem to help themselves. Mine does the same thing. He knows he needs to deal with certain financial stuff but leaves it until it bites him in the butt. Nothing I can do about it. I have myself to worry about.
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You know , l couldn't even tell what mine took it was easier seeing stuff she left , nearly everything. lt was bizarre .
But there was this damn pair of shoes, her favorite yet she didn't take them. They were still in the hall in exactly the same position they use to land in , in the way she use to kick them off as she got in.
l vacuumed around them for 16mths , never ever touched them or moved them . And sometimes we had 6 or 7 of d's mates staying over for a wk at a time and yet somehow , these shoes just stopped right where w left them totally untouched , still in the same position.
When l packed the house to move 16mths later, l through them in the rubbish and finally they were gone.
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Good for you hawk. It was just time and you were finally ready.
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Mine took very little of his clothes from the NYC apartment.
After 3 failed attempts to get him to pick them up - I packed them up and put him in his car when he was at work.
He ransacked my upstate house taking a $1000.00 Miele vacuum.
He took every tool and cleaning instrument - including all my brooms.
He took all my pots and pans and my kitchenaid mixer. Mind you- the man does not know how to cook.
He took all the liquor. But he left most of his clothes.
When I saw that the house looked like a burglar had trashed it, I changed all the locks.
That ended the ransacking.
I rounded up all his clothes that he left in the house 6 months after BD and gave them to Goodwill.
He never even asked about them.
Oh yes, and he stole 2 of our cats and gave them to OW!!
>:(
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Air, how heartless! You must have felt so violated. I'm sorry. :-[
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My wife didn't take anything except her clothes and toiletries for a long time. The first personal thing she took was a kewpie doll she'd had since she was a little girl. I hope she was working through some of her issues from her early childhood at that time.
I took D32 and our grandkids to NYC for a couple of days after Christmas. When we got home we found my wife had taken most of her stuff from the house. GD14 was so upset she called my wife and told her she wished she had a different grandma. The next day was New Years Eve. I was chatting on FB with my wife about some things GD14 said grandma had taken that belonged to her when there was a knock on the door and I was served with divorce papers. :o :'( :'( :'(
My wife has a display case that's about 18 inches deep, 30 inches wide, and 40 inches deep that was completely filled with pretty glass, crystal, and ceramic pieces that I had given her over the years for anniversaries, Christmas, birthdays, and Valentines days presents. Very sentimental stuff like glass roses and lovebirds kissing. I couldn't believe it when she took that. GD14 asked her once what she did with it, whether she sat around and looked at it and she told her yes, that was what she did, she sat around and looked at it. Very strange.
I thought when she left all of her stuff there for so long that it was there because she didn't feel like she could be that person anymore. I thought that when she was ready for that stuff that she would be back to being comfortable with being that person again and that she would want to come back home then. Apparently I was wrong.
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H took most of the baby picture albums with him. D15 was recently asking about them b/c she wanted to look at them. He had said, "I took most of the pictures and arranged them so I am keeping them here". I guess that was his connection to the kids and also maybe part of their thing where they act as if our near adults are still little children.
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Mine took very little of his clothes from the NYC apartment.
After 3 failed attempts to get him to pick them up - I packed them up and put him in his car when he was at work.
He ransacked my upstate house taking a $1000.00 Miele vacuum.
He took every tool and cleaning instrument - including all my brooms.
He took all my pots and pans and my kitchenaid mixer. Mind you- the man does not know how to cook.
He took all the liquor. But he left most of his clothes.
When I saw that the house looked like a burglar had trashed it, I changed all the locks.
That ended the ransacking.
I rounded up all his clothes that he left in the house 6 months after BD and gave them to Goodwill.
He never even asked about them.
Oh yes, and he stole 2 of our cats and gave them to OW!!
>:(
Really!? The evil things these MLCer's do, and for what? Mind blown.
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H took most of the baby picture albums with him. D15 was recently asking about them b/c she wanted to look at them. He had said, "I took most of the pictures and arranged them so I am keeping them here". I guess that was his connection to the kids and also maybe part of their thing where they act as if our near adults are still little children.
Weird, mine did the same thing. He has almost all of the pictures with him when the kids were little ( kids are 20,15 and 11). I mean really little. Come to think of it, I don't think he took many of our youngest pictures with him.
Luckily, I found some in the attic to take with me. Funny, he left the negatives... And left most of the pictures of him when he was a kid ( up to his teen years ), and all the pictures of his father who's now deceased. I have pictures of his grandmother, and aunt both deceased as well. It's like he took the pictures that stopped time for him where he wanted it to stop. Bizarre.
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Nah, you're too much. I couldn't stop laughing. ;D
Army, they all go to extremes, they either take nothing/very little, to wanting the kitchen sink. They're running on emotions. I think that the OP is usually behind the wanting of all the stuff. After all, they have to stake a claim don't they? Now how pathetic is that?
Mine took so little that I was shocked that he didn't want more. He left all his tools, all his old uniforms ( expect for one set of dress blues ), all his old clothes, all his important papers except his birth certificate/social security card, none of his artwork, or Ball memorabilia. How's that for not thinking anything through.
He did take a lot of pictures. Oddly enough, he left most of my In laws pictures. He even took a wedding picture of us; in fact, he took all, but the ones ( wedding pictures ) in the album. Crazy. ???
But his OW is in Germany! She can do nothing with the stuff he has taken at all...lol...
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Mine took very little of his clothes from the NYC apartment.
After 3 failed attempts to get him to pick them up - I packed them up and put him in his car when he was at work.
He ransacked my upstate house taking a $1000.00 Miele vacuum.
I have a Miele... The good German Iam..lol.... I would have kicked his behind.. That is some fine piece of machinery... ;D
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We had picture frames for both of our daughters that had their senior pictures in the middle with pictures from each of the other 12 years of school in a ring around the senior picture. My wife took those and an album filled with pictures of both of our daughters growing up. Those are the only pictures that I know she took with her.
She also has a clock in her office at work where the om also works that has a ring of small pictures around a central clock and I noticed at Christmas that a couple of the pictures in the ring were individual pictures of me. This was 6 months after BD, a week or so after she was in her lawyer's office filing for divorce, and a couple of weeks before I was served with the divorce papers.
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I think that leaving the stuff gives them a tie to you that they can check to see if you are still connected.
I believe we did have a similar thread to this but I have not been able to find it, yet.
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When my kids asked about the pictures the day he was leaving ( after the custody hearing ), he told them that he was going to scan them and send them to us via computer. That was back in June, guess what he hasn't done?
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I made mine a photo album and sent it to him the Christmas after BD.
Wonder if he looks at it.
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I did something really stupid. I sorted out all his family pictures and put them in an album for him and his brothers to keep.
That wasn't the stupid thing. You have to remember it was early on and I was in the process of moving out and hurting.
I left our main wedding picture under the TV, where it always was..and a fun picture of us (in our happier days) with the dogs that my mom had made for us. Left it on the bedroom wall.
I guess I was moving out and moving out of his life. I thought, subconsciously, I'd leave them as a reminder of me, of us. ::)
OH and also took all the cards I had given him over the years, wrapped them in a binder and put them in the closet.
When I went back to the house some time later everything was gone. I asked about the wedding picture, pretending I forgot it he said...rather sheepishly, that he threw it away. :-\
Said he it was too hard to look at that stuff. :(
I never said much but it sure showed me where his head was at. He just wanted me gone.
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I don't know nah. Depending on where his head was at the time maybe he didn't even keep it.
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The day after I filed, and served her in front of the OM, she proceeded to place all of my my remaining belongings in contractor bags on the curb, including every wedding photo in the frame from our master bedroom.
She also took all of my shoes and placed them in bags, EXCEPT for the one pair of loafers that she absolutely hated. They disappeared, although I have seen the OM wearing a very similar pair around.
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I don't know nah. Depending on where his head was at the time maybe he didn't even keep it.
That would be too bad.
I was very careful not to make it the "nah show"...there was only one wedding picture and it was a big album.
It was 8 months after BD, so even though we were actively divorcing, it wasn't so raw. I'm hoping he maybe just shoved it in a drawer.
Hopefully someday I will know for sure what happened to it.
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Air: Taking the KitchedAid is definitely a divorcable offense. Girl. Its time for you to file! ;)
LP: I vaguely remember your toothpaste story. I think you win the prize!
HAWK: the shoes had home laughing. Clearly this woman is disturbed. No female abandons her favorite pair of shoes. ;)
It is fascinating the things they take and leave. I only mentioned the weirdest, but when he moved out, he took parts of his stereo, a few clothes, and his airplane crap. And the ibuprofen.
He left everything else. I Purged the closet of his clothes. I nicely packed his Corps memorabilia and it's still stored in the basement. He finally has been taking his tools, now that he's got a townhouse.
OP makes great point about why they leave stuff. I've read the anchor check, and that could be part of it, but I also think they are abandoning every aspect of their old life (including clothes) and may also use leaving things as a way of control. Probably a combination of them all.
I am still SMH over the stupid mop bucket. How cheap do they get? He can't afford a fire trucking $5 bucket on his salary of 6 figures x 2? :o
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Medusa, you're better than I am. I left all his Marine Corps stuff in the house. I didn't even take the retirement certificate they gave me either. I never did like being a Marine Corps wife. I found enlisted life was hard, tasking, and had very few rewards for the family. In fact, the higher in rank he got, the bigger his head got. And the further up his a*s it got. ;)
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nah, I don't think my H threw them away for any other reason than he really felt it was over and he wanted no reminders.
He was still in a lot of pain himself. Pictures of us smiling and making vows to each other was NOT what he wanted to look at.
I don't know if it had been more after the fact what he would have done. Probably the same.
Plus you have to remember she is with him. I would bet you money she wanted any pictures of YOU out. I sure wouldn't. Like, why are you keeping pictures of your x? Why are you keeping wedding pictures of you both?
I mean really. But then who knows, maybe he stuck the album somewhere and she never saw it.
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The KitchenAid was one of the first things my wife took.
I went to make muffins one day and found out my wife had taken the paper cupcake liners. I thought "Really?" ::)
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nah, I don't think my H threw them away for any other reason than he really felt it was over and he wanted no reminders.
He was still in a lot of pain himself. Pictures of us smiling and making vows to each other was NOT what he wanted to look at.
I don't know if it had been more after the fact what he would have done. Probably the same.
Plus you have to remember she is with him. I would bet you money she wanted any pictures of YOU out. I sure wouldn't. Like, why are you keeping pictures of your x? Why are you keeping wedding pictures of you both?
I mean really. But then who knows, maybe he stuck the album somewhere and she never saw it.
I had thought of that at the time. Most of the pics were of him, him growing up before me, many of him and the kids. I was in a few, I selected them very carefully.
I figured his narcissism would trump any pics of me. I admit that I did chuckle how that gift arriving at their door on Christmas Eve would put a damper on their first holiday together. Sorry, girly but your boyfriend is still married and has a family. Did he say he was never happy? Funny how he was all smiles.
Also, he was very close to his grandfather (closer than he was with his father) and his grandfather died before I met husband. I found some pics in a box of husband and his grandfather from when his mother moved, I didn't even know they existed so I'm sure husband didn't know either. Even with his MLC, I know his core, those pics for sure hit it's emotional target, maybe not the ones of me, but the others, I know they did.
Maybe they picked the album apart and kept some, threw out some? Hopefully someday I will find out.
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OP makes great point about why they leave stuff. I've read the anchor check, and that could be part of it, but I also think they are abandoning every aspect of their old life (including clothes) and may also use leaving things as a way of control. Probably a combination of them all.
I think that leaving the stuff gives them a tie to you that they can check to see if you are still connected.
I believe we did have a similar thread to this but I have not been able to find it, yet.
Well if that's the case, and an indicator, than he is totally gone for good... If he would've had a basement of his apartment he would taken the rest too having no excuse to ever come by.
If it wasn't for the kids I don't think we would communicate at all and he indeed would be a vanisher....
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If it wasn't for the kids I don't think we would communicate at all and he indeed would be a vanisher....
That's not always a bad thing.
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No kidding wish the ex had been after 1st BD ::)
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Funny how they are about the pictures. Mine was here one day and wanted to know if the photo albums were all his. :o The ones he was referring to were our road trip books and they had pics of us together in some of them and the other ones we took as family trips have more pics of my kids. I don't usually buy souvenirs, so instead, I order hundreds of photos as my souvenir. I take the pics, do all the edits, all the ordering, and put them in the books. It's MY thing...I gave him the fastest, big, fat NO on taking those.
I almost forgot...last time he was to the house, I went off to use the bathroom and heard something fall in the living room. When I came back, he was sitting on the couch with his hands in his hoodie pocket, but I have yet to figure out what the heck he took. After that, I decided he wouldn't be coming to the house to visit unless the kids were home too.
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In my case, just about everything made sense somewhat...
Since she threw her stuff in the car and drove two states away, she was limited in what she could take. Clothes mainly. Left most everything behind.
I figured she'd come back around on the divorce and get some more stuff. Although we are still going thru this divorce crap, my spouse did state some items she wanted in the proposal. Very little, actually (she just wants the money). Again, this makes perfect sense to me because when she left her first X, she wanted very little as well then...said it would have been a reminder of him, and she wanted to start fresh. I imagine the same scenario is playing out now...she wants very little to remind her of our life together.
Okay, now all of that said...she took one particular outfit that boggles my mind. It was an outfit I bought her when we were first dating. She can't fit in it anymore-hasn't been able to in a LONG LONG time, but she had kept it all these years. That one item baffles me. I still remember when she left she said she didn't want it...yet I saw it in the trunk of the car...
-T
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I didn't get to take anything with me this time.And it has helped in the moving on process.
I didnt have choice.I wasn't going to deal with him anymore.
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Funny, mine came to get his stuff out of the house after the fact, but it was too late foreclosure had already taken place and the bank had started to clear out the house.
He was upset about it. Crazy part is, he came back home Christmas/June hearing and barely took anything. He put other stuff in storage. Stuff we didn't want, and claimed it was for the kids. I still don't get that one.
He also still has the other key to the car. This coming from someone that claims that he's not coming back. I guess the car is the only anchor he has left. :P
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There's only one thing she's taken that really bothers me... it's a handcrafted wooden bucket just the right size for holding a bottle of wine that we picked up in a quaint village during our Eastern European vacation last year. There's a little story behind it, and I loved that thing. She took it for some kind of wine and cheese real estate open house, but it never returned. I decided to ask for it, and she ignored the request twice. Finally, she said, "I'm sorry. I need it." I said, "you need it? You don't need it. You gave it to HER, didn't you?"
She didn't deny it. Our vacation, our memory, our bucket. But no... she gave it to the predator.
Have to confess, this hurts.
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There's only one thing she's taken that really bothers me... it's a handcrafted wooden bucket just the right size for holding a bottle of wine that we picked up in a quaint village during our Eastern European vacation last year. There's a little story behind it, and I loved that thing. She took it for some kind of wine and cheese real estate open house, but it never returned. I decided to ask for it, and she ignored the request twice. Finally, she said, "I'm sorry. I need it." I said, "you need it? You don't need it. You gave it to HER, didn't you?"
She didn't deny it. Our vacation, our memory, our bucket. But no... she gave it to the predator.
Have to confess, this hurts.
They can be pretty cruel in that respect. I have heard of MLCers taking OPs to honeymoon and vacation spots that they went to with the LBS. I don't know if they are trying to recreate something, or perhaps it is some viciousness on the part of the OP. I'm sorry you have had that happen.
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Through the window I saw him pilfering the pantry. In his bag he hid 5 new tubes of toothpaste. I walked inside and asked him what he was doing. He screamed, "they're mine and I'll take them if I want."
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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She left our wedding album to , her mum gave her that album.
l had no idea what to do with anything and it hurt too much to touch any of it so l just kept cleaning around all of it until packing up the house.
Like Thunder said though , l must've just been ready by then but l didn't wanna talk to w about what to do with any of it.
So l came up with a brainwave when l remembered w had a sun room just inside the back door and then another door into the house from there so from in the house you didn't see out into the sun room.
So as l came and went for d, l just dropped off more and more stuff into that sun room including the wedding album. l kept a few but left most in tact.
So that went on for two wks . l suppose wife would just go out to the sun room for something and see another pile of stuff there each time.
We never spoke one word about it and l didn't ask what she wanted l just kept throwing it into that sun room and let her deal with it.
But then came the couch , l didn't want it and l wasn't gonna ask her about it. So l went early for d one day and just chucked it on the deck before wife got home and thought there , have a couch.
Wasn't a bad plan really and kept the whole thing pretty painless..
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3, I have nothing against the Corps. It gave us a very good life. I am not vindictive about things (let's ignore the airplane incident, shall we?).
He thought I was intentionally keeping a ceramic Christmas tree his mom made. I wasn't; I just forgot where it was stored. When I gave it to him last year whje we met to try to figure out our separation agreement, he said at the end of the meeting if he'd known I had it in my care earlier, he'd have gone easier on me. :o
I will not get rid of any of his things for one reason: I am not going to be in a position where he suddenly wants something stupid and blames me for getting rid of it.
Army, you're early on. They go both ways with things.
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I will not get rid of any of his things for one reason: I am not going to be in a position where he suddenly wants something stupid and blames me for getting rid of it.
I often call my husband the textbook MLCer but he does seem different in this way. He never tried to hurt me financially, in fact he has been quite generous. Mostly, though, I almost always had the upper-hand, I was kind but also would talk down to him, treat him like a child and he would respond. It was so strange that he never asked for his $3,000 bike but in a message about something else asked if I had his $50.00 helmet b/c he wanted to ride again. I responded matter of factly that I got rid of all his stuff b/c he left.
His response was, "oh, ok, just thought I would ask" Almost like HE was apologizing. :o
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Hey Medusa, I left his stuff at the house, because I've been accused of everything but the cruxifiction. LOL Truth be known, I just couldn't afford the storage space for all of his stuff with ours. I have our OD's stuff stored there as well.
He threw me under the bus throughout the years, even though I had his back the entire marriage. This time, I just couldn't afford to save him from his mess. It was a matter of economics.
Glad you had fun with the Corps. I guess I just wasn't made for military life. I did the best I could, and I managed well. But in my case, STBX wanted to isolate me from my friends and family. He was really selfish, and self-centered. He saw any individuality as a threat. He comes from one of those enmeshed families, so me being me was a no no. Besides with all the financial abuse I facing now, he really is beside himself. I won't be the damsel in distress, and as LP stated on another thread: he's dealing with cognitive dissonance. He's so dual minded at this point that he not only can't think straight, but he can't understand why I'm not "falling in line".
He once admitted that when he wanted to do something, he just pulled me along. Just like he did his marines. I guess he couldn't separate being a Marine from being a husband/father. Well, nothing lasts forever. His career ended, and he destroyed his marriage all within a few years of each other.
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Wow.. and I thought mine was crazy...
He snuck back to the house, on a weekday, four days post AI and took the "good" clothes, the new ones that we'd purchased since the crazy diet last year.. Left all of the others. He took everything of value, important documents, guns, cash in the safe, motorcycle, convertible, a few pics of his mom and grandparents.. I came home and thought we'd been robbed! He wouldn't answer the phone, I had no idea what was going on.. Two weeks later, he shows up with papers..
Since then, he's managed to take just about everything. It's all his!! And of course, wants more! What's odd though - he has this pillow.. He's had it for more than 20 years.. Sleeps with it.. He LEFT IT!!! I of course, took it when I moved.. But that pillow has been out of the country, camping, all over the U.S... Why leave it???
There is still a ton of stuff, that is his, in the garage and in the office closet.. I was angry one day, sick of seeing the "rest" of his clothes in the closet so I packed them.. with open candle wax bars, lining the bottom of the boxes.. His stuff is all in un-airconditioned storage.. has been since July!!! I realize in the grand scheme of things, it's not a huge victory.. But at the time, I felt like I'd just won the war!
What's strange is h took his wedding ring off almost immediately! But still wears the leather and silver anchor bracelet that I gave him a week before AI on our anniversary! Odd.. It's an anchor...
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Just saw this thread and thought I'd comment.
My H wanted everything he could see but I moved out before he got most if it. If you follow my thread, you will see my MLCer is money/possession obsessed.
The only thing H demanded which he had left in the house was his wedding ring!! Just prior to BD, he couldn't get the thing off fast enough (OW was involved at the time and it would have been unfair to wear a wedding ring in front of her ::) )
He left all the photographs due to guilt. I know this is true because S22 had them in a huge case. H stuck up for me and said to leave them with me because he knew how much they meant to me. I saw a glimpse of the old H that day.
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Aside from clothing and toiletries, mine took:
New hiking backpack I had purchased for him while I was away.
Djembe drum that had gone untouched for over a decade.
Spanish guitar. (Hadn't played for years.)
Metal cup I gave him as a gift after he told me water tastes better from a metal cup.
Small portable speaker set he gave me as a 38th birthday present.
Coffee grinder.
And that's it! Supplies for a new life/camping trip.
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Besides his clothes and personal items, the only thing mine wanted were his guns and a picture. He came when I was gone and took his laundry basket. I emailed him and told him he promised the guns to his younger daughter. He left them.
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When mine left, the police were there so he could only take what he could shove into a bag. He never took any of his stuff until I threatened to give it all to goodwill when I was packing up and moving out of the house. The only thing he did take was out of spite. He knew I was going to be putting up drywall over Spring break and he took my drill the night before when he had stayed over with the kids while I was at work. How juvenile. I had to go buy a brand new drill. Talk about passive aggressive!!
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Mustard.
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Why, yes! You read that right. Mustard. After he moved out, but before I changed locks, he came in while I was gone & took it. I went to use it & poof, no mustard, LOL! Gives new meaning to the phrase "yellow bellied b*st*rd, doesn't it"?
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My wife also left most of the photos behind. I don't know why. She took one album full of school pictures of our daughters and said she was going to use it for a scrapbooking project she was working on with D35. And D32 came to me spitting fire one day because she said her mother had taken a whole bunch of pictures of me with my family before she and I had met. Neither of us have a clue why she took them. Maybe it was an accident. If anyone has any ideas I'd like to hear them. This is another one of those things she's done that I can't figure out but I'm sure there's a perfectly good irrational explanation for it.
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My Ex had taken photos of me when I was a child. I don't know if this was by accident or on purpose.
I would never have even noticed except several years after he left - he gave them to my D21 to give to me.
I never even acknowledged that he returned them.
When he first left he just took a bag of clothes. I believe that he bought a new wardrobe (Probably MLC-ish). He returned on several occasions, taking things here and there. He finally took all his belongings a year after our divorce was final. (Almost 4 years post BD).
L
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So now I know what has happened to the outdoor extension cords.
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He took a wooden Buddha, an American flag and my good crafting scissors. WTF
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Joy - thanks for bumping this thread. I just read all the responses. Crazy stuff.
My H walked out the night he told me with nothing but the clothes he was wearing and his truck. Went to his mother's. Came back two days later when I went to work and took clothes, his cash, and his passport.
Left his guns, and virtually everything else. Over the last 5 months he has been back a few times while I've been at work and taken a few more things. Mostly stuff that's his.
The one thing he took of mine that made me mad was my Bunn coffee maker. For 35 years he had been having his coffee at the coffee shop every morning. Since he quit that cold turkey after BD I guess he needed to have coffee wherever he was going to be. Cheap guy couldn't even go buy his own. I never mentioned it.
Most everything in the house is mine. All his garage stuff and shed stuff is still here. The nice riding lawn mower is his but I've already used it twice and I'm going to keep using it using it until it disappears. In fact, I'll be using whatever is here until it does disappear.
I think my H left pictures and even some of his personal stuff because he just doesn't want any reminders and he's going to start new and fresh on his journey.
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They take/leave strange things. Mine took a few clothes (not enough for a week at work), his tv and his playstation. He left everything else including his extra contacts and toothbrush.
Granted, most of what is here is mine but he didn't even take his own stuff. He even left his computer that he was on every night. Go figure.
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I previously listed the items my husband took, which was things you might take on a camping trip: guitar, backpack, a drum.
He returned more recently to retrieve a box of memorabilia, including photos, that I had organized for him. I remember the way he carried it out, just like after bomb drop. It was like a man imprisoned for decades suddenly realizing the jail cell was never locked.
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WoW!! I thought it was just My life!!??
My H has moved in with his 91yr old Grandmother - Same Place I found him at.. I Digress.
When i go over to visit.. I see My DVD's, Cds,Knives Socks, Towels???
LOL! I dont say anything.. Normal Taker stuff.. Just thought to My self "WOW" this guy is a Hot Mess
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This isn't about what he took or left (he's still in the house), it's about a cookie jar I took.
He came over to my apartment one day...he's only been here maybe 3 times, but he saw my Bobbie Baker cookies jar he bought me one year for my birthday. He said...oh you took my cookie jar.
I said no that was the one you bought me for my birthday at an antique store.
He got quite upset and said, no I remember I bought it for me. :o
Completely skipped his mind how I was thrilled and thanked him many times for buying it because I had looked at it many times.
To this day he doesn't remember.
It's not a big deal but it was one thing I would have thought he would NEVER have forgot because I made such a fuss over it. ::)
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So glad I'm not the only one to have this type of a story...
The day of BD, I had packed up most of his clothes (2 suitcases, 3 duffle bags & 6 garbage bags) and put them in the garage for him to get along w/his golf clubs and bowling balls. He came sometime during the night and @ first I thought he only took his golf clubs. However, upon further inspection (LOL), found that he also took 1 suitcase. And since he didn't take anything else, I unpacked it all - if he wants to leave, he'll have to pack up his own stuff!!
He can't get in our house anymore - I took his house key (going to be changing the locks) and garage door opener. And I told him that he's not to take ANYTHING when our D is present, which is always since he only comes over to see her. If he wants to get his stuff, he'll have to make arrangements to do it when she and I aren't home and have another family member present to oversee him ;D
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The story of the missing drawer....
Mine said he would not take anything from the house, as he wasn't going to disrupt our kids lives. H took his chair from the livingroom and some things that fit his new fantasy home - nothing that is not OW design aesthetic. He has not taken anything the kids have made him over the years (things he cherished) the only photos of them are on his phone. He has left artwork he has created, things we have bought together, antiques he collected, family heirlooms from his family. He took a firepit last night - whatever.
Last week during a melt down (after his F died) he apparently was having a dinner get together with his sister and her family and came to take the glassware out of the basement, because he "could not even afford dixie cups". (Has spent tons of money apparently and I suspect the agreement to be reimbursed for the materials for this great deal on a cottage - live there in exchange for fixing it up - is starting to not be the case and the reimbursement is not happening as quickly or at all). So he leaves 2 of the glasses from the set and not even the same size. The kids and I laughed at when we saw the 2 glasses (we have to laugh).
The funniest and most bizarre though is a drawer. Yes folks, you are reading this correctly - not the whole piece of furniture but the drawer. H had a drawer he kept his keys in and receipts that related to his work that he would come home and toss the things in there until he was ready to deal with them. Our house receipts, etc would go in the office. In the drawer was also paperwork relating to his father's illness, etc. It was the same night as the glassware incident and he was running around packing up his Jeep (which has no top on it at the moment) and throwing things in it to go back to his cottage. I go inside after he has sped off telling me to have a nice life and see that the entire drawer is not there. I look around the room thinking he just pulled it out and sorted through it (as he has done in the past). No drawer. I call my sister and am laughing hysterically. She comes to visit the next day and stands there in disbelief. My S comes home from work and out of routine goes to pull the knob on the now non-existent drawer to put the spare keys in the drawer, realizes the drawer is gone and looks around the room as I had done. S turns to me and says where is the drawer? When I tell him S laughs and asks did his dad put something over top of it or did papers fly out all the way to his cottage. We laugh at the idea of the paperwork flying out the top of the Jeep - a testament to his MLC insanity. S says WTF???
The drawer has yet to come back. That was 2 weeks ago. Frankly, I don't even care anymore.
It is a reminder of how messed up H's head must be and that even though it is painful for us, taking the drawer is just symbolic of the lack of MLC logic. It is an ongoing joke (yes, in reality not funny,
but you have to laugh). We don't mention it, and when H has been here in the last couple of weeks the first place the kids look is to the empty spot in the hutch. They smile and shake their heads. H has no idea what they are laughing about and is so clueless he thinks they are just sharing some other inside joke, so he will laugh along and say "so glad you two are getting along so well", which makes them laugh harder.
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Update - the drawer came back yesterday - guess it went on a 2 week vacation to the lake with H. :P
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It really is funny reading through this, that drawer really takes the cake....
Mine was one of those that took hardly anything; he did take his clothes, a few personal things, but pointedly not anything from his past, i.e. photo albums and things like that.
So very much wanting a completely new life.
He did take one rug, I have no idea why that was important. We had two, and he asked me to choose one.
He took some paintings, one which was mine but he was convinced was his, the others were his.
He came back later to take one thing from the kitchen, which he later returned.
He made a point of saying that his flat was perfectly tidy, and actually looked very "gay".
That was years ago; more recently he has said that he has got rid of almost everything he owns and his possessions now fit into a box.
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Funny, now that you mention your H possessions fitting in a box. That was one of my H's comments about simplifying his life and getting rid of possessions as part of his "new life". Mind you in early MLC he learned how to ride motorcycles and had 7 of them at one point. The other funny thing about that is while he is "simplifying" I see his life getting more complex.
As for the drawer, I am almost disappointed it is back. It was some good comic relief for awhile. ::)
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Funny, now that you mention your H possessions fitting in a box. That was one of my H's comments about simplifying his life and getting rid of possessions as part of his "new life". Mind you in early MLC he learned how to ride motorcycles and had 7 of them at one point. The other funny thing about that is while he is "simplifying" I see his life getting more complex.
As for the drawer, I am almost disappointed it is back. It was some good comic relief for awhile. ::)
And here I was thinking yours had enough possessions to fit in a drawer. ;D
Curious minds want to know: did the drawer return empty?
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Yes, the drawer was completely empty, which my S thought was also funny because he wondered if the papers blew out of the Jeep on the way to the cottage, or if H actually emptied the drawer. So the drawer continues to amuse. :P
I was flipping through the channels last night and somehow landed on "Jaws" just as they were saying the line about needing a bigger boat - so now all I can think is my H saying "I am gonna need a bigger drawer". Sorry, lack of sleep creeping in :P :D
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A few weeks after BD I bought H a poop emoji keychain as a joke. He didn't even smile and threw it on his bedside table, where it sat for 9 months after he moved out.
Three weeks before I moved out of our apartment, H stopped by while i wasn't home to take a couch out of the basement. For some reason, he also went upstairs and took that keychain.
He also took a box with every single one of our wedding photos and a lot of random pics of us and of our niece and nephew. I've asked him twice in the last few weeks about getting some photos back and he hasn't even acknowledged my question.
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Wow--these are really funny....and pathetic. Oh these MLCers!
Mine took just a small amount of clothes but comes by every weekday since we have a S9 and he watches him until I get home. So he will take an additional clothing item here and there but then LEAVE a pair of shoes, a jacket he wore to work that day or a couple shirts in the laundry. Um helloo??? You don't live here remember? He also left his ring b/c "he doesn't feel married...hasn't in years." Well of course.
Also, he purchased a power washer AFTER he moved out, which stays in the garage, and has power washed the patio twice since then. WTF?
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H threw out his winter coat in our trash can this week. This has me wondering-why did he transport it to our house in the middle of summer just to throw it out? Also, did OW buy him one or does he even have one anymore? I am sure come winter in Ohio, he will be missing
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I posted this in my thread, but it is worthy of noting here.
My H took the drawer that has become good fodder. (brought back the drawer 2 weeks later).
Left underwear and somehow didn't get the hint to take them even when they were folded in with his mail. Had to physically hand them to him last week.
So this morning was amusing as well. He had pretty much cleaned out the wine cellar over the past few months (only drunk one time) but didn't seem to notice I was not buying wine any more if he was around, as I was getting tired of providing food and beverages for someone who wanted out of the relationship and wasn't giving me money for bills. A couple of times he was away working on his "cottage" and came home and noticed a new bottle of wine, that I had enjoyed on the days he had been gone. I was sometimes nice and left him a half a glass full. And I bought myself good wine.
He had stopped to pick up more things from the garage. I was not home. H texts me to say he was leaving (it was before noon) and by the way, he drank my last beer. ???
He says he will bring me some tomorrow. ::)
My D had started hiding things from him recently in weird cabinets, as she was annoyed he comes in and raids the cabinets. Now I understand her methods. She is usually good about sharing, but she said to me she is tired of him eating the good snacks, etc when he doesn't even stay and visit or pay for anything as of late.
I think I am going to have to hide things in the washing machine :D
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I think I am going to have to hide things in the washing machine :D
That is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.
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All we can do is laugh - it is pure insanity ;D
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Their you go. The washing machine! They'll never think to look there. lol
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Their you go. The washing machine! They'll never think to look there. lol
Do they even know what a washing machine is? LOL I think whatever you put in there will be safe for years to come!!!
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Sadly mine did all the laundry in our house.
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Mine took hardly anything. Of course his excuse was he had no place for it. He was living in a slide in truck camper in a garage bay. One he was renting for his side business. He did take a couple pictures of our kids at one point,but other than that ,that's it.
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Sadly mine did all the laundry in our house.
Jay...mine would do laundry...but it was usually only his own!!
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I have days when I remember some of the things that H said to me during MLC. I just saw the subject on another site. I went through the nonsense of "we were growing apart" like a lot of people here did too. One thing my H said that was so out of character for him was that I could find someone else. According to him, there was a lady at work who was 45 and she ended up getting together with a co-worker who was 60. This was one of the most bizarre pep talks ever. H was normally a jealous person and afraid someone else was going to take me away from him. just wondering if anyone else had something to share about weird things their MLCer said to them during MLC.
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Well I have heard a lot of script stuff. Ilbinilwy... youre letting yourself go... i am not attracted to you anymore... we are not on the same page... we are off the tracks etc.
Umm... does "I'm tired of the yin and yang so our marriage is over" in an rmail count? Lol
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ILYBINILWY, read via text message he sent to his attempted OW
My life has no purpose
Nothing I buy makes me happy for more than a day
I'm just not happy.
If I stay I'm unhappy. If I go you're unhappy. What am I supposed to do
Moving out has led to hanging out with 20 year olds, bowling, drinking, hanging out in bars, going to casinos until 2am.
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Me: Why do you feel you need to leave? H: S doesn't sweep the floor :o I want a dog, I miss having a dog
I think we'll both be happier if I leave, I love you but I can't live with you, I feel like I can't live up to your standards, you don't need me anymore, I would take a bullet for you, nobody is gonna tell me what to do, I don't mind growing old with you, we've drifted apart, lose my number, I never want to be so distant with you that we can't talk (all within a week).
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I am a "lone wolf " looking to see where I belong . ( Mars perhaps ?)
I do not "fit" this life anymore
I feel no purpose, no emotions. ( must be contagious ... as I feel nothing anymore either )
I am nothing but a paycheck to you ( yes, popping bon bons on the sofa is all I do )
I am suffocating here with you
I could go on... I have 3 pages of crazy ( front and back ) .
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SOme of the strange things apart from ILYBINIL and we grew apart .....etc etc
ex accusing me of wanting to move on and leave him behind (he left the country and has a baby with ow)
Ex how about i send you stuff (from Holland) and you sell it (in Malta) i.e a buisness proposal!!
ex about s7 " s is 4years old ermmm no s is ...s is ?" did not even know how old his son is :o
ex accusing me of being a bad mum for playing music in my car
ex " I feel as if I m in rough waters a child in one country and 2 more in another "
ex " Everyone is jealous of me "
ohhhh gosh there are so many wierd things he said that i m losing count ::) ::)
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About 3 years ago, "well, you got to enjoy the fruits of my labor"
Background: When we married I was 19, he was 21. We rented a slum house and we slept on a mattress for 5 years until we bought our first house. We BOTH worked 60-80 hours a week, we BOTH sacrificed for many years. He use to boast to others that we were the perfect couple b/c he never met anyone that could go toe-to-toe with him on work ethic. btw- my mother is 80 and STILL works. It's in my blood.
I was so shocked that he would say this to me, I couldn't respond.
A few weeks ago when we were arguing on the phone I brought it up. "How dare you say that I was so lucky to enjoy the fruits of YOUR labor? I slept on that mattress beside you, I ate nothing but potatoes for months, I worked at least as hard as you, year after year after year."
He went quiet then said....
"I would never say something like that."
What??? I have been sitting and stewing about his remark, for years. Fuming that he could actually re-write history so out of whack that I believed he felt I was riding his coattails when in actuality everything WE had was due to BOTH of us.
All worked up and he didn't even remember the remark.
He went further and thanked me for all I had done for so many years.
:o :o
So I went from being awesome, to a lazy gold-digger (even though he had less than nothing), to being a hard-working, great mom (just received this message the first time since he left) but still not someone he would want to be married to.....
Nobody can convince me that their brains are not fried.
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I really only have one weird statement from H, about 1.5 years in referring to a bill:
"You know I don't like surprises, right?" ??? :o
Uh, yea, neither do I.......
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Haha.... yes, they don't like it when something is done to them that they have been doing to others.
The day the Leaver was fired from his job (30 yr career, he was a leader in his industry and did very well financially until MLC hit), he sent me a message, which was very unusual at the time.
After he told me he was "let go", we went back and forth a bit, then I wrote, "are you ok?"
He responded, "what hurts the most is after all the years I put in, right when things got a little tough, they just show me the door".
Yep. Guess, he didn't notice for a second that Karma just shoved a big one right up his @ss.
I responded, "ummm.... did you forget who you are talking to??"
He glossed over that quick and responded about how financials will soon be an issue.
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After he told me he was "let go", we went back and forth a bit, then I wrote, "are you ok?"
He responded, "what hurts the most is after all the years I put in, right when things got a little tough, they just show me the door".
??? ??? ??? Their spectacular lack of self-awareness never ceases to amaze me.
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After he told me he was "let go", we went back and forth a bit, then I wrote, "are you ok?"
He responded, "what hurts the most is after all the years I put in, right when things got a little tough, they just show me the door".
??? ??? ??? Their spectacular lack of self-awareness never ceases to amaze me.
Nas--- I almost fell off my chair when I read those words.
The first thing I thought was he must be making a sick joke. Nope, he's just stupid. :P
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I find that they only think of them and their needs !! I also feel that mine did everything in his power to push me away from him ....well he got that I hope he s happy now that he managed to complete destroy me and forget we even exist .....I spent years living the life of a junkie (I never used he did) making sacrifices and praying he d one day finally realize what he had instead I got "hey it was no life" ....yes it wasn t for me and the kids you punk !!!.....sorry but feeling pissed!
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Well I had some fairly standard script stuff then some a bit weirder
I will always love you I just don't want this anymore
I don't feel anything, don't feel anything for my mum and dad or anyone
I drive around feeling nothing, I act through my day
I want to travel, go snowboarding, I haven't done anything with my life
I feel trapped
I don't feel like I should, I look at Facebook memories and can't feel the same as I did then
I know I don't feel like I should, I don't feel like a man should about his wife
I wasn't prepared to live a lie, I have to be true to myself
I don't want to be in a relationship, I know exactly what I want from my next relationship but that isn't going to be for a very long time (went straight into a relationship)
Maybe I'm not good in relationships
I'm not interested in girls if anything they get on my t*ts (a U.K. Expression)
I can do what I want we're not going out (when I found out about ow)
We both have the chance for another life. it's the end of chapter and I can look back on it and feel good with no resentment - I was starting to feel resentment
And then after a while I just got a lot of 'I made the right decision' as answers to my question if 'are you happy now'
All pretty standard but he has acted in bonkers ways, hanging out with younger people, used younger language, change of style (yoUnger), filmed himself rapping in his car, drank more, took cocaine. Very standard replay type stuff I guess.
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Right before BD (9-6-14) when things were quite bad, exH was staying out all night, OW, secrets, lies, etc...I asked him "What are you doing?" he responded, "Im just living"
I was flabbergasted to say the least... just living... wow.
Nearly 3 years later, Im divorced and in a great new relationship and very happy. But sometimes im still haunted by the dead eyes and passive response from my ex...just living
ironically enough, he's jobless and "just living" with his parents after having to go inpatient detox for alcoholism....oh Karma, lol
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I'm not interested in girls if anything they get on my t*ts (a U.K. Expression)
??? Never heard that one before... ;D ;D
...I spent years living the life of a junkie (I never used he did)
drank more, took cocaine. Very standard replay type stuff I guess.
Are there any MLCers out there that don't have some kind of addiction??
And then after a while I just got a lot of 'I made the right decision' as answers to my question if 'are you happy now'
As you know by now, that's why we don't ask them questions.
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He told me when MLC came spilling out, "I know exactly how to kill. Yoel."
I responded, "You need some help. How about seeing our family doctor first?"
He said, "You think I'm depressed! I AM NOT DEPRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!"
I walked away.
Another one.
H: We should not have gotten married. We don't have the same hobbies. You don't like swimming.
Acorn: you should have married your clone.
That smart ass remark was made before I learned anything about MLC..
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Oops, darn auto correct. It should have read "I know how to kill mysef."
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Nah. Yes, no point asking any questions what so ever. The sooner an LBS gets that the better - utter nonsense!
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Last august, when h wanted a face to face after 8 months of nc, he told me he wasnt happy and didnt desire the ow. He wanted to work on our marriage. He then said that if he told the ow this and shipped her back off to Tennessee and decided after that he didnt want me he would lose everything. That to me meant all the furniture she brought with her since he had nothing to furnish a house.
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I got "remember, in the future, you did this. You made all this happen. It's all down to you and you couldve stopped it happening". This was after a little row about something completely insignificant, think it was because I wouldn't let the dog on the sofa.
I also got "the kids do what you want and you never stop them" and, shortly afterwards "youre controlling, all you do is tell the kids what to do. If they breathe wrong, they get it. Ask them"
I remember a really funny row, just before BD#1 about takeaway/takeout. We were having kebabs and I always have them in pitta bread. He asked for his in a naan bread and even wrote it down because the place I was using was closed and he said I was having issues with my memory at the time (it was him remembering things wrong).
Anyway, I ordered, it came and I gave him his. He asked what it was and I told him it was what he asked for. He spent 15 minutes, while it was going cold, throwing a strop and pushing it away saying I never listen and I got it wrong. He was so upset. I got the paper he had wrote on and even that didn't convince him he wanted the blooming naan bread! And he said i was trying to control what he ate after that! I tried to laugh with him about it later but, apparently, it wasn't funny and shown him everything that was wrong with our relationship (it did, he asked explicitly for something and tended to want something different so i couldn't win!)
I'm not a skinny girl but I'm not big either. One day, out of the blue, he turned to me and said "youre the first fat girl ive been in a relationship with". This confused me. Firstly, it sounded like we had just got together, not that we had been together for nearly 13 years. He said it with a child like grin, like he wanted me to fall into his arms and be grateful, or he wanted congratulating or something. These are just a few that stick out.
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My very favorite as he walked out after 20 years: we aren't a family, we are just in a relationship. Ouch!
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Here`s just a few of the hundreds of things that he has said;
- I haven`t moved out because you`re a good Person
- You`ll see what belongs to you when I move out, I`m not going to leave one nail on the walls (he`s keeping his word there and has made a very good start :( :o >:(
- I hate you and should have left you years ago
- I know that you will always stand by me, no matter what
- I tell everybody exactly what I think and if they don`t like it, then that`s their problem
- I want to start a new life
- We`re like brother and sister
- I`m still extremely good looking for my age and all F`s fall at my feet
- I`m 17 years old and it`s strange that you ask (in answer to my question ) because other F`s have often asked me that too
After he returned last December (he was gone 4 weeks) when I mistakenly thought that he had reached RB and wanted us to R;
- I´m useless
- I was on the search for a GF who loves me, not sex
- I was living a superficial life with false friends
- I was so stupid and blind, you`re the best thing that I ever had and I don`t want to lose you (he obviously forgot that very quickly again)
A couple of days before he left in the middle of April;
- I`m sorry that you wasted 30 years of your life with me
- I fell madly in love with a blonde angel last night and she`s my new GF (fantasy???)
- I`m so sorry about how badly I treated **** (a certain F who I know for certain has always fancied him), she`s been madly in love with me for practically 30 years, I always led her on but never took her up on the chances she gave to me
It would be impossible to write down everything that he`s said, as that together with all the lies that he concocted would fill a large book.
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Mine never really dated. and in the midst of this MLC, said how he never really dated, as if he missed out. He chose not to date, and would often say throughout the years that he didn't miss out. Then the troll, who sleeps around at work, comes along and he has regrets.
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I remember another on were ex had said " all those years " as if he had wasted so much of his time by being with me ......I don t get this victim mode he s in and really can t imagine him in the position he s left me ! And I also can t understand how his family after seeing all the destruction still side with him through their actions
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This was about 6 months after I moved out, H randomly asked if he can stop by and said "got you 24 rolls of toilet papers because they were on sale" :o LOL
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My MLC said as one of the reasons why I never made him happy was because when he first told that he loved in 1994..I did not say it back. Never mind that that since that day he has received daily I Love u's and we had been together since 1994 and married since 2000. Talk about reaching for something to justify bad behavior....
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On BD my H said that he required his house to be spic and span spotless and that I couldn't keep it clean enough for him. Note: I was picking up after a 2 year old otherwise known as my H...to call him a hoarder is an understatement. The only things he did at the house was sleep, shower and watch tv...otherwise I did everything else. A month after BD he came back to decide what he was going to take and what he was going to leave. He had the nerve to tell me (in a 6 year old voice and bodily manners) that I need to clean under the sofa and do the best that I can. Note thie sofa was one of those types with recliners on either end and when he still lived there he even expected me to move it with him sitting ON that very sofa....as in he wouldn't move. After I got evicted after BD H complained that it took 4 of them to move that sofa outta the house and that he didn't realize it was so heavy. My comment to him was "look it only took me and another person to move it in the house..what's the problem?"
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I think the silliest thing that my H said was..."Oh you'll find a bf within 3 month's. You'll find another 21 year old."
I met him when he was 21 years old....32 YEARS AGO! :o :o
I just looked at him like he had 2 heads! He was dead serious.
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*chuckling* you must look darn good thunder!!! And he thinks he looks like dog poop!!
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Mine said that he wished i would cheat on him so he would have a reason to hate me.
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Yeah, I must of, huh?
I mean what 21 year old wouldn't be smitten with a woman in her 60's? ;D ;D ;D
I actually asked him that, his answer...."Well, I'm just sayin'..." ::)
Completely delusional.
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Took the W to lunch one day and she said:" I don't want people to think I just took off doing whatever I wanted and left you holding the bag." Well dear that's kinda what you did.
After being the sole financial provider and doing at least my share of the housework/parenting for 14 years I was told: "You demand all of this respect but do not do anything to earn it" I've made no such demands.
"When I have my kids I'm going to be the best mom I can be and when I don't I'm gonna do whatever the firetruck I want to"
"I'd make a great sex therapist" No dear, you must first overcome your fear of the light and inability to have sex more than 30 minutes after a shower.
"you've been running around since you left trying to make me look bad" Again, nope. You're doing just fine on your own with that.
A few weekends ago while moving HER out of the rental home 2 days AFTER the lease expired: " I wouldn't mind seeing you every once in a while"
"If I can get my real estate license and sell just one $180K house all my problems will go away"
And just last night: "I'm the main bartender at restaurant where she works, in the industry that's kind of a big deal. Everyone there loves me" She is the main bartender....of an 8 seat bar....in a restaurant that features coffee and cheesecake, not spirits.
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Here's a few of the crazies thrown at me:
"I want to be with someone childlike. Adults should get to play everyday." (Super ceepy given he works with teens)
"You just aren't passionate about hiking." (Seems like a very logical reason for leaving a loving wife of 23 years)
"I want to study Buddhism."(I am really open-minded about faith, but was the first I'd heard of it.)
He had been really depressed, so I asked if he was thinking of hurting himself...His response complete with a smug grin..."Don't worry, I'm pretty fond of myself!" (Narasistic much?)
Oh, it feels good to laugh....!! They are all such sick clowns!!
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Ex "I'm now a vegetarian
Me "and what did you eat today ?"
Ex" chicken soup and so hungry I want to eat that guys burger " :o
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One of my favorites of my H's is "I prefer a very clean house and you can't keep the house or car clean enough!" Note: my h never got his dirty laundry out of the bathroom and that was after tracking sand through the whole house (is a sandblaster as a job), he'd finish a bag of potato chips and throw the bag over to the table from the sofa usually missing the table, plastic bottles and cans left under coffee table. He never hauled off the trash, if I asked him to because the trash cans were full he'd instead go buy a new trash can of which took longer then hauling the trash off. He was the one that drove the pick up. Still trying to figure out how I was to keep a car clean hauling off trash and leaves.
When I got evicted after H bd'd he wanted me to haul off the sofa and a drop leaf table all by myself. He is still driving a pick up truck and I'm still driving the same car...it's a dodge caliber hatchback. I left both the table and the sofa for him to haul off and he complained that it took 4 "grown" men to move that sofa out of the house.
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One of my favorites of my H's is "I prefer a very clean house and you can't keep the house or car clean enough!" Note: my h never got his dirty laundry out of the bathroom and that was after tracking sand through the whole house (is a sandblaster as a job), he'd finish a bag of potato chips and throw the bag over to the table from the sofa usually missing the table, plastic bottles and cans left under coffee table. He never hauled off the trash, if I asked him to because the trash cans were full he'd instead go buy a new trash can of which took longer then hauling the trash off. He was the one that drove the pick up. Still trying to figure out how I was to keep a car clean hauling off trash and leaves.
I think this is very common for those of us that were in long-term relationships.
I always felt the Leaver was a bit of a slob, but I never complained b/c I felt he worked very hard at work, so when he got home he deserved to relax.
Now that he's gone, and I have lived with other men, I now realize the Leaver was a big time slob and never appreciated all the work I did.
Throughout our marriage, I usually worked outside of the house, but for a bit I was a stay-at home mom. The entire time, I did ALL the house work, all of the laundry, most of the yard work, all of the errands, most of the carting the kids around for sports, appointments and such, I did ALL of the financing,... etc. I mowed the lawn, took care of the pool, took out the trash,.... everything. I really don't think he knew all of what I did, this I can tell you, he knows now.
One of the first things he did when they bought the big house was get a cleaning woman. That went up me a mile high,.... too bad they can't afford one now. Also too bad that they have several dogs and cats, and other animals. My son said their house smells.
I'm sitting here looking around the house. It never looked so good. I do dishes and they stay done, I clean off the counter and it stays that way, no pee all over the toilet, no piles of laundry all over the house, no glasses and dishes on every table,.... I was expected to be everybody's maid, and you know what? I did it. That, I guess, was my fault.
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Nah I'm wondering how long he'll be allowed to stay where he's at before they kick him out. LOL He doesn't like people knowing he's the slob that he is and will try and keep up that good guy persona but then as soon as he relaxes he'll be boo hooing. Big time mama's boy....mama always cleaned his room and balanced his checkbook for him. Meanwhile I'm enjoying a clean apartment.
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What he has said to others about me;
* she`s a very evil woman
* she abuses me physically
* I`m so scared she`ll attack me that I have had to bring security escorts with me each time I had to go to the flat(he`s a Vanisher)
* She reported me to the tax office
I`m 1,57cm and weigh about 42kg, if not less after my compulsory MLC diet which I have been on, solely due to the vicious way he`s carrying out his vanishing act. God alone knows what else he`s been saying about me but what`s good is, is that all the people who told me those things have said he`s not all there anymore.
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I too have heard the ILYBINILWY.
I've also heard, "Can't I have you both?" (Um--NO. Don't wedding vows include "forsaking all others"?)
He and the OW have a "connection." Supposedly she's more compatible with him. (Yeah right.) They're soulmates! (Haha!)
He actually asked me what I thought of her. I said she's trashy (and I'm not the only one with that opinion).
She's a few years younger than me and looks 10-15 years older.
From what I've seen and heard she rules the roost and has my husband on a tight leash.
He was actually helping me pay the rent on our apartment after he left, then that money dried up. I had to move to a cheaper place across the county. He said "You're moving away from me!" (Wait--who was the one who left first?) I spelled it out for him--since he told me that the OW didn't want him to give me money that wasn't court-ordered, I was forced to move. He finally said, "Well, you did what you had to do."
I also heard the "I'm just a paycheck to you." Yet while his divorce from me (he filed) was going on, he told me that he was wrong about that.
He's actually told me that she's more annoying, she smokes (which he's said has been a dealbreaker with him), and all that--yet how in the world did he end up married to her? :o
I try to take the high road. Not easy.
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It absolutely astounds me how much of the same things these idiots say to us.
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It absolutely astounds me how much of the same things these idiots say to us.
Me too!
This is what my H said to me when I discovered his inappropriate text messages to FA.
"What there was nothing in our conversations that were inappropriate....I'm going to check" (Five minutes later.......) "Oh ok...." And then "But you said it was okay to go out and explore other relationships" What I actually said was "Do you want to explore that relationship?" To which he replied "No". Never did I give him the 'go ahead' that it was okay for him to do that.
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Well, you did ask him about it, you should have drawn him a picture and used flash cards. Maybe it would have cut the confusion down for him a little bit. Shame on you!!lol
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Yep....I guess that was 'my bad'. ::)
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Oh well. Live and learn.
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Heres one my W said a few weeks back
"Your not a single parent, the boys are grown up"... 17 and 19 but living with me, causing more mess than they should at they're age and emptying the fridge quicker than I can fill it!!
Last night via Whatsapp voice text..
I went shopping, Ws car was in the carpark. I didnt see her in the shop. When I was finished, her car was still there and the passenger window was open by 20cms...
Me : "W, you should come out and close your window if you don't want somebody to steal your car"
W : "What car? the one outside the shop?"
Me : "of course, unless you have 2 more parked somewhere which I don't know about"
W : "Are you at the shop? I'm there too"
Me : "Of course, I just told you that ive seen your car outside"
W : "Im at the shop too, just doing some shopping"
WTF was that all about???? Like a 8 year old!! ::)
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When BD came and went, we would have a few chats. This was before I knew the WHOLE intriguing saga of H and his ow. Here are a just a few:
"I want to know what doing cocaine feels like"
"I want to ride a motorcycle 200 mph down the highway"
"Why can't I firetruck big tittied women?"
He has also stated that he wants his cake and eat it to. ::)
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Thought of bumping this topic. MLCer's grandma passed away last week and he had to head home for her funeral 4 hours away - i wasn't informed until a week later when he had an argument with EA2, don't think they are that close anymore. Anyway, no communication with his siblings AT ALL before, during and after the funeral - he is severing his relationships with his brothers and sisters which is bad.
Anyway, his mum told me that she overhead him telling a cousin who just found out we've separated that... we are not "over", just 'living apart' :o ::) It's been almost 1.5 years since I moved out.
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Some of the things my H has said over the past 2.5 years..
I love OW and I want to be with her ( ok, then file for divorce )
I still love you and I think I always will ( really? you lay down next to me after being with her and im suppose to think you love me..)
I am conflicted and confused ( if that's true then you dont move in with OW. you live on your own and figure things out)
I feel justified in my behaviour, you pushed me away ( I was busy taking care of everything and being the adult)
You kept me from my family ( not true, no one held a gun to your head and forced you to not see them)
you have to fight and have drama all the time ( I do not go around people that do not like me)
I want a long term seperation ( ok, then live on your own)
I dont want a divorce ( you left me for her, why not divorce me)
for now i am gone, you just need to deal with it ( you arent truly gone, you are playing both sides)
There will be no "working on things" if i want to come back I will simply come back ( you wont jump from her bed back into mine)
There is no reconcilliation ( really? then get the F out of my life)
I am just a pay check to you ( I have worked like a field hand for 36 years taking care of what we built together)
you had everything you wanted but nothing made you happy ( I was happy)
you treat me like a child ( act like a child get treated like a child)
why cant you just calm down and see where all this goes ( i did when all this came out and you have taken advantage of me)
If i had it my way i would have both of you ( it doesnt work like that when you are married.. unless you live in Utah)
I felt alone for years ( apparently you were never alone, you always had another woman on speed dial)
i know you are hurt, but things happen and i never ment for this to happen ( yea, your Pen!$ just accidently fell into her)
I am happy with her sometimes ( wow !! sounds like life, and we arent all always happy but we dont blow up our families..)
What i do is none of your business ( we are married and you went to a fertility clinic with a 35 yr old..I am 55 and menopausal.. i think thats my business )
I work, i dont have time to sit and text with you. ( really..thats all you did was sit around at work and text other women and meet them at hotels near your office)
I just want peace and i want to be happy ( you arent going to get that by having a wife and a girlfriend at the same time . who is really the drama queen in all this ?? )
This is not about the head, its about the heart and how i feel.. you keep trying to convince me to do things based on logic and that will never work..( so, if i am feeling hungry and have no money, if i see someone on the street with food i can just take it.. Im glad you cleared that up for me..because that logic thing keeps messing with what i want to do.)
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Mine left everything for about 18 months and refused to respond to any of my emails about it....and then sent me a text out of the blue that he wanted his piano (he was living on his aunt's boat at the time ::) )
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Thanks Treasur, I was looking for this thread. :)
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Mine only came back once for one thing (he knew I would be at work)... his hockey bag.
I spent the whole summer filling it with dead rodents from the pool filter.
He never said a word about it. Can you imagine what it was like to open that bag?? ;D ;D
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Omg Nah—that is just awesome!! I’m so happy I read that just now. 🤣🤣🤣
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Love that, nah!
Mine wanted a chocolate fountain and a small piece of wire for his bait boat even though he never went fishing. He also refused to give me my key back and kept on asking for his spare car key (even though I packed it).
All of these things have been asked for after periods of NC
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Mine left everything for about 18 months and refused to respond to any of my emails about it....and then sent me a text out of the blue that he wanted his piano (he was living on his aunt's boat at the time ::) )
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Hysterical^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mine only came back once for one thing (he knew I would be at work)... his hockey bag.
I spent the whole summer filling it with dead rodents from the pool filter.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Priceless!!^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Those made my day! Thanks nah and Treasur!!!
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So glad I came across this thread. Now I know that it is just normal behavior when they take random things.
Mine took my face wash??? I guess he needs to look pretty for the OW.
He also took some ear buds I had out when he came. He never uses them. He returned them 2 days later.
He took the sparkling wine I like, but left his expensive rum. I've started to acquire a taste for it. ;D
He hasn't been back to the house for a few weeks now, but after he's been here, I only discover what is missing when I go to reach for it. Oh the MLC'er brain is a messy one!
Nah- that is truly genius!!! Love it.
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I found my waffle maker missing after he had been moved out for 6 months. He didn't even take his clothes, but he took the waffle maker.....
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but he took the waffle maker.....
Kind of makes sense....
if his current tw@t-waffle doesn’t work out, he can make some more. ;)
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FearNot - If you don't want it, rum is my adult beverage of choice.
nah - The tw@t-waffle comment has me LMAO! We really need a like button, or something for some of these comments.
I left, not my H. But he insists I don't need to take all my stuff with me. Anytime I mention coming to get stuff he's all "You don't have to, it can stay here." One time he told me he had thought about packing up my stuff but he wasn't ready.
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Nah- the tw@t- waffle comment was so perfect!! Bahahaha! Kitty is right we need a like button or something!!
Kitty, if you were closer I'd say head on over and we can take care of those nice bottles of rum on the shelf for him ;D
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I just started saw this thread. Mine did not take anything except an old Tv. I had to pack his stuff up and leave it in the garage. It took him weeks to get it. He especially didn’t want his old clothes. Hard to look 29 when you’re wearing a 50 year olds clothes!!! He wanted nothing that was associated with his old life!!! Me most of all!!!
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I just started saw this thread. Mine did not take anything except an old Tv. I had to pack his stuff up and leave it in the garage. It took him weeks to get it. He especially didn’t want his old clothes. Hard to look 29 when you’re wearing a 50 year olds clothes!!! He wanted nothing that was associated with his old life!!! Me most of all!!!
I had to pack up my MLer's stuff from the house and garage and leave it in front of the garage on the blacktop! And that was 18 months after he left and the divorce had been finalized. I still have stuff of his here.
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These are hilarious...Here's a little rude, not so much what H took..But what he decided to leave when he came over last week.
Did the yard..Noticed a black container on the counter when i got there...Thought aww how sweet they went to lunch before H came over. (puke)
When he left...he left the container in my kitchen...ummm you don't live here...lol clean up...Now for what he took, When I went into my bathroom, I noticed my band-aids were gone...A whole box...lol really? I just bought those...
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Maybe he wants to put a band-aid over his MLC Smiling!
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Lol now that's funny....
He's gonna need more than just a box!
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I wondered what happened to this thread.
Now that my H is a vanisher and I don't even know his phone number, I often wonder what happened to the poop emoji keychain he made a deliberate trip upstairs to take on one of the last times he came over to the apartment we shared.
I had bought it for him just after BD. I didn't know what was going on and thought the whole thing would blow over. So me being me, I bought him the poop emoji keychain and told him, "Here, I saw this and thought of you."
In the past, he would have laughed. Since this was just after BD, he grunted and threw it to the side. It landed on his bedside table, where it sat for an entire year. I lived alone, he was gone, living at his mother's house, and I never touched it after he threw it aside. It actually grew a layer of dust over it.
About 3 weeks before I moved out of the apartment for good (meaning we would no longer have any shared home), he came over to retrieve a bookcase his dad had made. I made sure I wasn't there when he arrived. And when I got back, I saw that he had made a special trip upstairs to the bedroom and taken that keychain.
Funny this thread popped up again, because I just realized that the day he came and took it was exactly 2 years ago today. I do wonder if he still has that stupid keychain now that he's moved 1000 miles away and literally has an entirely new life. My guess is he left it behind at his mother's house, but who knows.
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Would Medusa or someone else like to continue this discussion on a new thread?
I'm not a contributor because I did the leaving and took what I wanted. Nothing too strange like a poop key chain. ;D
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I'll start a new one, Thunder. :)
Thanks, Nas.
New thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9915.0