[MIMIx]

Oh my,

It is confirmed that I have a low energy wallower... big time. 

I had no idea that I would see so many similarities to others situations.

Like Thunder, he is shopping ALL THE TIME and only purchasing bargains.  He is looking at things to purchase over the web...all the time.  They are pretty much small things...groceries on sale, clothing, tools and outdoor stuff.  He buys me things.  He sends me emails of things we need.

He takes  his things from the house and then, when I think he is keeping them for good, he brings them back.  They reappear in the house when I am not here.
One minute he is leaving, the next he is not.  His actions do not match his words.

He says he wants to split our things and then drops the subject.

He has not found his own place to live.  He keeps staying with relatives and friends until they ask him to leave.  He gives them a timeframe...and then never leaves.

He pretty much finds fault in everyone.

He does not have an OW but has fantasized about someone.  I don't know exactly who but can guess that they are perceived as great caregivers.

He is constantly moving, travelling to places on his own...doing nothing spectacular.  He drives all over the place!

He is generally introverted but has this need to talk to anyone and everyone.  He yaks it up with sales clerks like they are his longtime friends.

He keeps in constant touch with my family and shows up at their birthday parties etc.

He seems to be burning bridges everywhere.

OMG...I could go on and on.  I had no idea that they all do similar stuff.  And it seems that none of them ever return.  They just continue to be present and make your life miserable. 

[Thunder]

It's funny MIM, that is another huge change in his personality.  He is very much an extreme introvert but now he chats to everyone.  Sales clerks are big on the list.  Chats like their his long lost friends.   

This is a man who used to say to me.."Did you know that person?"  Me: "No, why?"
H: "Wow you just talk to anyone, don't you?"

Maybe he's mimicking me now.  LOL

[Searching4Answers]

Like Thunder, he is shopping ALL THE TIME and only purchasing bargains.  He is looking at things to purchase over the web...all the time.  They are pretty much small things...groceries on sale, clothing, tools and outdoor stuff. 

He pretty much finds fault in everyone.

He is generally introverted but has this need to talk to anyone and everyone.  He yaks it up with sales clerks like they are his longtime friends.

He is constantly moving, travelling to places on his own...doing nothing spectacular.  He drives all over the place!

It's funny MIM, that is another huge change in his personality.  He is very much an extreme introvert but now he chats to everyone.  Sales clerks are big on the list.  Chats like their his long lost friends.   

Check, check and check!

I thought that my MLCer was a wallower for a long time but he has an OW that he has been with on-and-off for the past 2 years. I think that having been with the OW for that long probably takes him out the wallowing category I think that he fantasized about finding an OW until he actually found one - maybe he is a lucky wallower Even though he has OW, he does not view her as his soul mate and has stated that she is not long term He truly wanted to be in a relationship with both of us! Now she is the only friend that he has

There are so many more things that he did an 180 on that it just boggles the mind.

[Thunder]

Searching,

Yes, your wallower did get lucky.   

I never doubt for a minute if ms. right came knocking on my X's door he'd accept the invitation, trouble is she would, literally, have to come to his door. 

Wallowers DO find ow's, their just not as likely to.
Never say never.   

[patiently standing]

Hello All,

My hubby is not spending a lot of money since he is living with his mom and has no OW that I know of. As of now, he is still allowing his checks to be direct deposited our joint account. Also, I remembered him saying that the first night he stayed at his mom's, "it was peaceful there". Wondering if anyone may have insight as to what he meant?

[tristana]

It means he is back to his childhood, when he had no responsibilities. Peaceful, yeah 

[MIMIx]

PS,

He may be saying that he feels relieved to have finally done it.  Don't feel that this has ANYTHING to do with you!!  It likely doesn't.  He just feels relieved to have escaped the life stress that he has been feeling.  He likely thinks this is the solution to his problems.  HA!

For you...leave him to it.  Carry on and keep your life on an even keel...for you.   If it is anything like I have experienced,  the situation will ebb and flow.  I've learned that there is no magic solution to this.  You have to take care of your own health because it is mind boggling at times.  Don't stand in his way.  It will just cause you grief. 

[MIMIx]

I beleive that replay may end sooner for these types however the other stages may last longer and be more volatile.
They still must face their issues and although they are not trying to run away for as long, trying to reconnect can be very difficult.

Thats my .02

OP,

Just a quick question.
Why do you think that reconnecting is very difficult or harder for low energy MLC?

L

Not sure I know the reason, although I will think about it, more the observation of cases I have seen.
Low energy MLC'ers tend to not have an OM/OW and I agree with what STILL wrote, lots of depression.
Mostly OVERT depression although during replay it might be covert depression.

I think because there is no OM/OW might be why replay ends faster, just a guess.
But that doesn't mean that all is OK.

If I think of something else I will come back and post it.

I quoted OP post because I agree with him because I'm living it right now.. Replay is not as crazy, and ends more quickly for a wallower.  But the rest takes an eternity.  I'm not sure if reconnection will ever happen for us.  The longer it drags on, the more likely I am to move on by myself.

 Our kids and our friends are now encouraging my H to get moving, find his own place and live his dream.  They tell me that he needs to experience it.   But does he do anything to move on?   No. Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

But one thing is for sure, he's dug in for the long term. 



edit - combined posts - OP

[limitless]

My low energy wallower did have an ow. He just hid it for a long time.  He recently ended 4 year relationship with OW #3 and is still living at his parents house after 5 plus years.

I'd say he is still in replay, but really don't know as we have zero contact.

As in American Beauty, he seems to have attained a life of the least responsibility possible. Yep. Back to boyhood.

L

[MIMIx]

Limitless,

What you just wrote> what a sad state these people create for their family!  It's true isn't it...there seems to always be an OW.  I'm so sorry that he was so deceitful to you.  I hope you are doing well now.